Seclusion in Shadows - Comments

@ NikitaDevelops
Thank you, I'll improve on the character development if i ever decide to continue this, The reasoning for chapter three being a little off it that i wrote them around a month apart and my writing style changes almost daily so I find it difficult to finish anything unless I write it all in one go.
I find proofreading really boring so i probably won't bother... >.>
Thank you.xo

I love (LOVELOVELOVE) Gerard Way! MCR<3

So, first thing is first I suppose. I love the details of the setting also the realistic movement, for example "the sun blinded him a little and he stumbled backwards, shielding his eyes." Love it, very realistic. I can feel a lot of emotion and hard work in this. The description of the boys skinniness is perfect, however it is hard to keep up with, it does feel rushed in some places despite all the detail, maybe needs some character development, for example this "Alicia", she is mentioned once in Chapter Two and then appears in Chapter Three.
Might be worth while for you to proof read it, correct the silly little spelling and grammar mistakes, I'd say 4/5 for this everything is perfect but the character development lets it down a little.

@ TheNewAlice.
Yeah, I have so far got no MCR comment swap things; only one direction it seems >,>
I apologise for the structure, I write anything i do on my Ipod so It's very hard to tell what It'll be like on a computer screen. I'mm be sure to fix that in the future.
thank you xo

Comment swap!
So I got really excited when I realized that the story that popped up as an MCR fix because My Chem is one of my favorite bands, and I also ship Ferard so very hard. This structure if the work gave me a slight headache because there were no breaks between paragraphs or anything, but the content distracted me from that a bit. The writing was great, but try to put a little more detail into it next time!