Deviant - Comments

Really interesting concept! I always love tough girls. And the dillema she is in is worked out perfectly. I do agree on the lenght of the chapter as Lil'Bsikette says. Maybe making them into multiple chapters is a good idea to stimulate readers to read on. The lay-out of the story is very good. Keep up the good work!

From Comment Swap

I found your summary, interesting, although it seems a little on the vague side. It was short, it didn't give enough information or words to actually pull the reader in. It's a good summary don't get me wrong, it just felt like there should be more of it. Your chapters, are realistic I love it. I also love the army theme. However, these chapters are very long, they can be like that origionally but on Mibba, you should try to section them off so the reader doesn't go "oh gosh how long is this chapter" (I read stuff on mibba with multiple readers and we write together in one comment). The white black background, sometimes can give an eye strain because of the great contrast mixed in with the long reading. We love your story, some say to tweak a few things hear and there with word phrasing but overall, its a good story. Also, try to develop the protagonist more, and give her views on the characters so they can be developed as we read. We need to connect more with the story. Thank you for posting a lovely story.