December 31st, 2013 at 04:12am
You've got an eye for details, that's one of the first things that is evident right from the very second that I started reading. You describe everything really vividly throughout and it makes it really easy to read. In terms of the story itself, you've taken a vastly different approach to everyone else's entries and I think that's really interesting. I've not yet read a story that revolves around both winter and break-ins (no matter how related to the house they are) and I think it's a really interesting way to incorporate your prompt in a really original and unique way. I love the interaction between Melanie and Max as well. Even though they don't know each other very well, they have this moment of connection that is really just lovely between the two of them. It was a really simplistic way to end as well, but I like how you ended it. Too often you'd see a complete stranger in a story trying to convince the person to stay, but I like that Melanie doesn't even try because she knows that he's a free spirit of types. I think that's a lovely touch and it really does just make the entire story.
All in all, a lovely and very unique entry. Good job on creating a really original piece with your prompt!
I agree with the previous judge. You've taken your entry in a completely different direction to everyone else's entries and I really like it. You didn't so much as focus on the season of Christmas or winter but rather a brother wanting to surprise his brother with something - maybe just to show him that he's still alive or that he's thinking of him and still loves him, I don't know. But I really like that and think that's the best bit of this entry.
Melanie and Max's interactions is brilliant and her not just shutting up because he's "attractive" or because he shows the key is really realistic. After all, the man could be anyone and she's the one who was tasked with home sitting. She has to protect the house for the owners. And how she doesn't try to convince him to stay or do anything really nice for him other than phoning the police is a realistic action as well, something which I loved about this. Too many stories would have the intruder being invited to stay or something along those lines when that wouldn't happen.
I think this was brilliant and I really enjoyed reading it. It was really original and stood out from the other entries and I like what you made from your prompt.