Spellbound - Comments

This is a comment from the giving comment swap! Your story was submitted about a year ago! :$

Firstly, I don't know too much about Teen Wolf, so please bare with me.

I like the layout, the grey/black waves content background coincides nicely with the black solid page. The banner is super intense, because he's staring. I do wish it wasn't so large, and that there wasn't writing throughout the content border though.

I read the first three chapters, and I'm confused. Probably because I don't know anything about Teen Wolf, but that shouldn't be a problem. I think you should go back and put some more information into these first three chapters. Anyone should be able to pick up your story and know exactly who the main characters are a few chapters in. I think you should add in details on setting too. Your story should be able to be appreciated by everyone!

Your narration has a very clear voice which is very helpful! It's a bit negative, but I suppose the main character is too. Some bits of interaction are super funny though. I love the genuine moment between Isaac and Scott's mom, I can tell that he really does feel wrecked and just needs someone to care without knowing.

Overall I think your story has a great start and deserves to be read by as many people as possible! Don't limit yourself! With a few more details and one-liners this story is well on its way to being a heart-throb!

I love this, so much.

Oh and my story was:
http://www.mibba.com/Stories/Read/553467/When-the-Going-Gets-Tough/

Oh and my story was:
http://www.mibba.com/Stories/Read/553467/When-the-Going-Gets-Tough/

Hey I am here for a comment swap.
I did watch Teen wolf a bit so I immediately knew where this story took place. Gladly I haven't watched too much because I do not want that knowledge to distract me from your story and your spin on this world.

I like Isaac. I like how he has these goals, but can't because he is different. He tortures himself a lot and I think you captured that perfectly. All I know about highschool is what I've seen on TV (Holland is much different), but eventhough I might lack the experience, I do believe you've written highschool life like a pro (with a little supernatural twist that is).

Keep this up, I really like it so far!

Sorry it took me so long to read the update. Poor Isaac. I really just want to hold him and make it all better.

Oh, jeez! I wasn't expecting a shout out for that! But I'm glad I wasn't going crazy and missing something obvious!

First things first, I'm digging the new layout! I noticed it as soon as I clicked, obviously, because you can't miss that attractive Isaac face right there. ...Can't decide if I'm turned on or intimidated by the intensity in that picture, though. Probably both, and that's not a bad thing. I mean, I loved the old layout, too, and didn't find that one too cluttered, but I like this one as well, for sure.

Also, love the incorporation of the Ancient Greek soulmate myth; that was one of the ones I found most interesting back when I studied mythology, so obviously I approve of the reference. I also loved the line about Isaac finding minimal solace in humans starting as a freak like him -- that was just such a beautiful touch to the chapter, really tying everything in, and I don't know... I just really want to hug Isaac right now.

I have to say, I was surprised to find that Isaac went to Lydia to talk about things, but I completely understand why he'd feel she was the only option. Although I want to believe that even though Derek certainly would be mocking, I think he'd still care and try to be helpful. But Isaac doesn't need mockery right now, and I totally feel for him, feeling terrified by how suddenly alone he seems.

Jumping ahead: love Lydia for pointing out the pack thing; that's exactly what he needed, to realize that he's not alone. He clearly made the right choice of who to visit.

I think you're portrayal of Lydia is -- as always -- spot on. She's so... I don't even know how to describe her, but she's awesome, and you capture that well. Especially her snarkiness about him staring at her room and about getting bored. xD

Woo! I already said it before, but I'm glad I wasn't going crazy about the contradiction in Deaton's explanation. And I'm glad that Deaton didn't know everything, too; it's more realistic for him to have SOME things he's not completely knowledgeable on. xD

And, that's also sufficiently terrifying -- it was common and only one ever survived? Yeah, I'm scared for Isaac right now. I'm super curious to find out in the coming chapters what exactly is necessary for him to survive and all. Deaton said they had to be "together" and then said that she had to be turned, but I'm guessing there's something slightly more complicated involved in that? Not that that isn't already complicated enough. And how much time do they have? And what 'choice' was Deaton talking about? A cure? That'd simultaneously be great for Isaac and completely heartbreaking to be cured of having a soulmate... Ah! So many questions! Good on you for making an awesomely interesting and suspenseful story though! (:

Oh, his thoughts about how Sheridan would react to the news of his death really got to me, too! Beautiful inclusion, there.

Oh, yes, how about that finale?! I couldn't believe they let... well, I don't want to post spoilers for any of your other commenters, either. Let's just say I hope Scott feels ashamed of himself for not having let the twins into his pack. And did you hear about Isaac and Season 4?!

I didn't mention it before but I love that you included that myth about how humans once had four arms and four legs and Zeus split them up and we spend our lives looking for our other half. I don't know that I believe in soul mates but I always liked that myth.

There’s something very peaceful and elegant about the way you started this chapter. Actually, it’s really not just this chapter -- it seems to be your writing in general -- but the beginning of this chapter really made me realize it. There was a parallel between the fact that those moments where Isaac’s at peace in the morning, gaining his bearings, and in the way you opened the chapter, everything calm and peaceful while we tried to gain our bearings on the chapter, to settle into reading.

As sweet as it is that Scott and Melissa welcomed Isaac into their home for the night, I’m really a huge fan of the fact that you didn’t let Isaac be swept up in excitement at being included or anything, that you let him enjoy -- and be comforted by -- the fact that he had some solitude that morning. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you’ve really got a nail on Isaac’s personality, I think, and this moment -- to me -- was another of those that really highlighted it.

And, of course, I found it absolutely adorable that Isaac woke Scott up before he was willing to take any of the Orange Juice -- he’s just such a sweetie! And the fact that he’s so sure of his answers is even more adorable.

Oh, and I totally died during the long list of things Stiles rattled off as possible causes for the green eyes -- that was absolutely hilarious! Especially the scarf comment and the being friends with Derek comment; I can totally see Stiles saying that. (“What is the point of him?!”) Also, I loved that you let Isaac stand up for himself there and make a few threats on Stiles’ life; Isaac’s certainly a very complex character, and I think some authors forget that just because he has moments of vulnerability, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a very aggressive take-charge personality at other points.

One thing I caught that confused me: Deaton said that from what he gathered, the green eye thing has only happened once, but then later he says that ‘most of them die from a broken heart’. Am I missing something, or is that a contradiction like I think it is? Because how can there be any statistics for most of them if there was only one other case study?

But yeah, that small confusing detail aside, I’m digging the mythology change still! I cannot express to you how happy I am that you didn’t make this into some kind of imprint-like situation, where both parties just magically feel a bond and fall in love. I really love that there’s the chance of him, you know, dying from a broken heart if everything isn’t perfectly played out (and I mean, of course I hate that that’s a possibility, because I love Isaac so, but you know what I mean).

Great update, love! And, of course, I’m eagerly awaiting the next one!

To be honest, I am not a fan of the Teen Wolf series, but I do find your story to be interesting. As someone not in the fandom, I must say this is a little bit confusing. It’s not so confusing to the point that I don’t understand what’s happening, but there are some things I don’t get. I feel like most fanfic writers write their stories exclusively for their fellow fandom members, so they assume everyone reading is up to speed on everything. This is very normal, but you should try to avoid that line of thinking. You should try your best to explain everything about the characters, their origins, where/when the story takes place, major events that happened in the series (if you mention them in the story) so people who are unfamiliar with the fandom end up becoming familiar. It’s sort of life if you had a friend in real life that was watching the series with you for the very first time and you were to tell them about the series. They’d be asking you a lot of stuff and you’d have a conversation with them, explaining stuff. Does that make sense? You’re not bad at this, though. I’ve read fanfics that were WAY more guilty of this than you are, but there’s nothing wrong with improvement. People not in the fandom should be able to read this like it’s not a fanfic, but an original fic. Like the characters are your characters, you know? They shouldn’t be expected to already know stuff.
Now I know you’re wondering what things do I wish you’d put in this story for those of us not in the fandom. Well for starters, setting. Does this story take place in the present? Also, where does it take place (not just in school, or at Scott’s house or anything like that)? I mean, what country, state, or town? Also, how did our werewolf characters become that way? Also, since you mentioned the passing of Issac’s family and friends, I feel like that should be touched on a bit more. You don’t have to explain the entire series to us, just tell us a bit about it, you know like a sentence to a couple of paragraphs of information. I don’t know, maybe I’m being knit-picky. I probably am. I’m probably coming off as someone who sees nothing but flaws in this piece. That’s not true, though, I really like it.

Chapter two is very well written. It makes me feel sad, actually. It really pulls on the reader’s heartstrings and helps us relate and understand Issac. The whole time he was in Scott’s house and observing how they were a normal family, unlike his was…uh, that was just great writing on your part. Kind of like you became him when you were writing about his problems and feelings, if that makes snese.

I really like chapter three. Your description of a teen party is perfect. I also like how Issac is totally awkward there and isn’t really into the party. I’m like that in party environments. It’s nice to see a teen character that isn’t blindly enjoying partys just because it’s the “in” thing todo. I’m so tired of every teen in every story having fun at every party or other social event. Parties aren’t the only thing in the world, and they aren’t always a good time, either. Also, the ending…ah! It makes me want to read more. Why were his eyes green? Speaking of, thank you for explaining why that’s such a big deal (for us that didn’t know what color werewolves eyes are supposed to be).

Okay, let me just say, Stiles’s list of reasons for the change of Issac’s eye color was funny. I’m assuming he’s like this in the series, too? Who is Deaton? How does this person know about the werewolves? This is another thing that needs to be explained for us not in the fandom. Whoa, the ending creeped me out. It went from us wondering what’s wrong with out main character, to it being a love story, to it being a possible tragedy all in a few paragraphs. I find the concept that werewolves HAVE to be with their true love to be very interesting. All in all, is this a good story? Yes. Do I think other Teen Wolf fans will like it? Yes, they should. Even though I don’t know anything about the series, this was well written and I can tell you’re serious about this piece and the characters seem legitimate. They seem like characters created by a professional (in this case the creator of the series). What I mean by this is that I can tell that you didn’t just up and decide to take the characters and re-write them all weird just because you’d thought it be fun or cute (some fanfic authors do this). Even though I don’t know the characters well, judging by the way you have written them here, they seem like they are in character. If I were to start watching the show, I bet the characters would be just like they are here. If that makes sense.

SO, yay. Good work.

Isaac makes my heart hurt. I feel so bad for him. He needs snuggles. Yes snuggles. I want to snuggle the werewolf. Something is wrong with me.

The new mythology is really interesting, I like where you're going with it! And I'm looking forward to seeing more of Sheridan. :))

This layout is uber fantastical!

This is actually one of the first Teen Wolf fanfics I've ever read. Which is kinda shameful considering I've seen the first two seasons But yeah, Isaac is one of my favourite characters so yay!

Awww the first chapter was sad Poor Isaac, don't give up! I loved how descriptive this chapter was. I could picture everything clearly in my head and the emotion Isaac portrays is so strong and well written!

Chapter two was absolutely adorable, I love the way Melissa is being motherly twoard Isaac but also not pushing him to be uncomfortable, that was a nice touch, I also love how Isaac is unsure of how to act and feel toward her being motherly.

Awww nooo it's a cliffhanger! oh my gosh, why?! D: Scott and Isaac being protective is too much I hope to read more soon

So I'm enjoying the personalization you give all your characters. I've never watched Teen Wolf so I'm in the dark on that but this has me interested. I loved when she said don't eat it all lmao. This totally has me wanting ice cream now! I like how your writing flows in this. It's quite refreshing.

Chapter two: this was so hurtful :( I felt so bad for Isaac and I don't even know him. But the way he flinched and Melissa didn't question it, how contact scares him... I don't know the character, but I take it his father abused him. And how he was so thrown off by the ice cream was just so sad because he thinks of his mom and Melissa even offered him the same sprinkles :((( The whole normalcy just throws him off so much, you can just feel his discomfort and how awkward and embarrassed he is to be there because he feels like he doesn't belong. I just wanted to reach in and hug the poor baby and tell him everything is going to be okay. This chapter was amazing. You captured all of his emotions so well and you peppered it with just enough hints and background that I feel like I'm learning more at such a natural pace. It's beautiful. Such a good job.

For chapter one: So this chapter was brilliant and I'm not even truly familiar with the fandom. I loved how you related Stiles and Lydia to Isaac and Sheridan. The thought patterns were also relatable and intriguing. The part about smelling her before hearing her was genius though because so few people factor in the olfactory senses of werewolves and it also shows he's memorized her scent, which is both precious and sad. I also liked how he thought about words to relate to her, and Derek coming up with creep. Overall, there's this beautiful flow to the chapter and the relationship between the characters was well-defined and effortless. Not just that they're friends, but that Scott isn't phased by Isaac's anger and Isaac knows better than to argue about not coming over. That's the kind of internal thought process that shows how two people relate. I'm looking forward to the next chapter ^.^

First things first: the layout for this story is absolutely gorgeous. The colors work beautifully together, from the gif to the pattern to the fonts, and -- boy oh boy! -- the way the summary is designed is absolutely gorgeous. I just thought you should know that the layout itself already has me spellbound. xD ...yeah, I'm that corny.

Anyways, the summary itself isn't anything hugely unique or suspense-catching, but it's simple and it's applicable. I'm a fan of definition-like summaries, or... I don't even know how to describe this summary, but let's just say I'm a fan of it. It doesn't leave me already wondering quite what's going on (and I haven't yet found the connection with the story) but it's simple and applicable, and that's all I really ask for.

Next: When I read the first line, I was already flinching, because I usually absolutely despise the use of present tense. That said, I kept reading, and I'm so freaking glad that I did. This is beautifully written! Honestly, you're one of the only people I know who can actually pull off writing in present tense, and it works so well with Isaac's thoughts that it's obvious you definitely made the right choice by using it. I wish I could actually articulate why I think it works so well, but I just can't. I don't know if it's because it seems so... well, Isaac, so in the moment (oh, God; duh), so not quite awkward but not quite steady, either.... I don't know. I just know that I really, really like it.

I'm usually also not a fan of the story opening up where the guy already likes the girl, but again, this is different. This time, I do know it is partially because you're writing this from Isaac's point of view and not the girl's, so we can actually experience this with him and worry for him and everything. And, of course, this also fits Isaac's character absolutely perfectly, so again, I'm sitting here left wondering why on earth I ever disliked those kinds of openings anyways. xD

Quick comment: loved Derek's 'creep' commentary! Perfectly placed and so completely Derek! I really think you've got these characters nailed down to perfection. I also like what you did with the pizza thing, with Scott calling his mom and switching the type of food. It reminded me of the episode where Isaac called Scott out on the bluff that he was going to get food, asking what type and then instantly declaring he loved Mexican. Yeah, you've got the characters down beautifully, and you've truly got their friendship down, too.

I thought the second chapter was beautiful, too; the way you portray Isaac as so out of place in the familial situation is really quite perfect. I mean, it's easy for an author to recognize that he'd need to be awkward and to put that into words in the story, but you haven't done that. No, you put the actions into words and showed us. And, yes, there's that moment where he straight up says that he looks as out of place as he feels, but even that isn't completely direct -- it's still part of the visual that you're painting for us. Honestly, it's breathtaking.

Of course, I also thoroughly enjoyed the way that Isaac explained the party, the way he notices the odd things and once again shows the awkwardness that he embodies. I think this speaks to your writing style, again, and your chosen inclusion of details -- it all plays into his awkwardness, and it really makes the story all the more captivating.

I've got to say, I'm surprised by the whole thing with Trevor, and, of course, with the green-eye thing. That little switch up in the mythology seems interesting, and I can't wait to see what you have planned for this new mythology down the road. Actually, I just plain old can't wait to see what happens next in general. Of course, I'm interested in seeing what happens between Isaac and Sheridan, but more than that, I'm just interested in reading Isaac's thoughts a little bit more; you're that good at capturing his character. I've never read something that captured him better, actually.

Thank you for writing this, and I'm so glad that I stumbled upon this. It truly is absolutely beautiful.

Protective Scott and Isaac are so cute. Rushing in to save the day.

Love it!

Oh Isaac! I just want to snuggle him and stroke his hair and make it all better.