I think the rewrite is very good! I don't fully remember the original chapter you posted but I feel as though you did a better job at characterizing Kyo + Midori this time. Despite it being a first chapter I feel like I already know a part of them already. I love how she called him a shithead! She seems a little sassy but that’s why I love her already. They seem a little cutesy already I'm not sure if you included the part with the aunt originally but I am anticipating to watch everyone's roles play out. The only thing that has me wondering is whether or not Midori is a fan. I love everything as I did three months ago
I'm still excited to see where this will go also, I just want to let you know before someone from the staff does, but you're not supposed to make status updates as chapters. I just don't want them to take down your story or whatever they do. But you can take your status update and put it in the first chapter's author note~
I'm still excited to see where this will go