The Rushing of the Water. - Comments

I’m here as the new host for ‘The Writing Contest’.

I can’t believe how much this actually messed me up. I had no idea what to expect when I read the summary (except a lot of pain and angst), so I basically went into this blind. And got turned upside down. I had a really bad feeling about how this was going to go, but I didn’t think you were going to also simultaneously rip my heart out and feed it back to me? I feel personally victimized by this entire story. There is so much emotion and pain in every word, and to be so immersed into a broken mind like Hayley’s twisted me all around. That entire scene with Hayley’s dad was absolutely heartbreaking. I kept hoping that Oliver was the answer but NOPE, APPARENTLY NOT. AH-PPARENTLY NOT.

I think the worst part about this is that you came in with a punch. You started strong and then continued to build on that as the story went. I already had a creeping sensation of dread from the summary, but it kept growing because you used the power and momentum of your words. It was mesmerizing, to be honest. I also really appreciated how much research you put into the disorders. It showed very clearly that you hadn’t just picked some bad sounding disorders and went from there. (I’ll admit that I definitely checked out the links and it made me take way too long on this comment.)

The only errors that stood out to me were your dialogue tags, as some of them weren’t right. Sometimes you had them right and then sometimes you used a period instead of a comma or even vice versa. It didn’t hinder the flow or distract me too much, though.

So overall, I loved this one-shot a lot. It was emotional, kind of lowkey terrifying, and beautifully written.

This is simply the best one shot I've ever read. Fabulous.

Wow, that was an interesting read. It shows a broken mind for sure... But it's so scary that she pretended to know her dad. I don't know why they really freaked me out when she got smacked for it.

Hayley Williams gives me such a lady boner oh my god. Seriously, I would do things to that woman.

The summary is really strong. Definitely pulls the reader in. No critiques about that.

Her normally short fringe wasn’t there any more, instead the shortest str.. should be a semi colon after more, not a comma.

So I didn't have to pause once while reading this aside from the above comment. Seriously, I have no critiques. I think you did very well in portraying your disorders and it's clear you've done research on them. The story is well written and interesting all the way through. That's really all I have to say about it. :)

You started the story of strong, and I really like that in a story. You kept it strong through the whole story. You caught her emotions and described them as close to perfect as anyone can get.

The only thing is that I kind of wish that you explained what was wrong with her in the story, or how she got it.

Other than my said issue the story is really good. I really like the ending. It was a surprise in a good way.

OH MY GOOD LORD I JUST NEED A COMMENT TO COLLECT MYSELF AND MY HEART AND EMOTIONS AND ALL THAT JAZZ.

Your description is splendid and your writing is superb and I just don't know how to handle myself anymore, this hurt so much. I was just murdered here. I wake up and see this beautiful thing is updated and I braced myself for the emotions, I swear, and I still was not prepared good god. The entire moment with Hayley and her father and nope and I had to walk away from the computer because owowow absolutely not. Every time Hayley said Oliver's name, I was hoping he would appear and save her from the sadness, ahhh my goodness.

And I kept reading.

"You think a boy's going to be the answer to all her problems?" WELL I SHOULD HOPE SO BECAUSE HAYLEY BABY IS IN PAIN GOODNESS.

Then they brought in the young man and I felt something coming, something bad, and nO WHEN SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AND NO AND NO AND THE LAST LINE, THE FINAL LINE, OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD.

So, um, I am slowly composing myself from this absolute wonder. I must straighten up and try to recover completely. Don't know if it's gonna happen. But I shall try.

This was fabulously beautiful, as I had no doubt it would be.

Sorry it took me so long to comment. I was too busy picking up the pieces of my shredded heart thanks to this beautiful story.

Okay, I just wanna say that both you and Rianne have killed me with your amazing writing skills in less than 24 hours and I swear, this just blew me away. I really just wanted to give Hayley a hug, okay. This made me so sad and the ending made me just collapse to the floor and sob and clutch my heart. Your writing ranges far beyond anything I have ever done and the fact that you took Hayliver and mixed it with mental illness and created something so different is incredible.

I was reading this while I was on my phone and I was downstairs at the table with my mom. I'm so glad she left before she saw my facial expressions as I got more into the story. SERIOUSLY, THE LAST LINE PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME.

I loved it. I cried and I'm once again an emotional wreck and a proud Hayliver momma at the same time. You are a wonderful human being and A FUCKING FANTASTIC WRITER. I'm just gonna go get everyone on this whole site to go read this now.

Also, if you need me, I'll be under the desk and just


Deuces.

Oh hot damn. I knew it. I knew there would be a twist and that
it would be a mindfuck. This was so tragic but the details were superb.
You & Aliya make me feel so many emotions with what's written.
Srsly. My ma approached me (I'm reading this at the store) and I jumped back
because I was so immersed in the story.

The use of mental illness kept me interested but it didn't make me cringe,
it just made me even more sympathetic for her. I'm not sure what else to say
besides a "you have proven me right, own up to your splendid writing."



& kitsch out, off into the sunset to cry inside forever.