February 28th, 2014 at 07:48pm
I'll be honest...I couldn't make it through the whole thing...hahaha. I'm not really all that into sex stories, they end up making me feel flustered and weird, lol. Meh, I'm probably just being a big baby about the whole thing. I will say this: 1. I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU MADE AIDEN LEGAL ADULT AGE. I cannot STAND smut stories that have adults with children; the irks the hell out of me. So, THANK YOU so much for making both lovers of adult age in this.
2. This seems to be described pretty accurately. Like, I can imagine it happening. Most sex stories online are so...well, medically inaccurate, if you get what I mean. You story seems realistic, and I give you mad props for writing about a straight couple since that's a type of relationship that you don't have experience in. It shows that you are willing to accept the challenge of writing about characters that have different experiences than you. Most writers don't do that. They usually play it safe by creating characters that are exactly like them, especially when it comes to sexuality, because it's easier the write. But, you decided to do something that probably wasn't easy to write, and you did a good job.
You also managed the write a smut fic that kind of just treated sex as a normal thing. What I mean by that is that you were able to describe everything without making it all gross and tasteless. Most sex stories online tend to get over descriptive and end up being sleazy, but you did it right. So, good job, even if it's not my type of story.
Your writing style actually surprised me- I love the way you write! The prompt itself was quite generic, and I was interested to see how you went with it and ran away with it- plus having it build up throughout until you got to the bit where Zacky revealed his kink was good too.
Always better to build up- show don't tell, I guess.
I love Zacky's dialouge in this- always playing on the teacher role and asking her all those questions in bed. He strikes me as a sweet man throughout this, but once you unleash the kraken inside of him, there's no going back. You really portray the sordid teacher well here, and it definitely adds to the overall feel of the story.
Don't sweat about the sex scene- you did an awesome job, even if you think otherwise. It's all about taking it naturally with those things- the flow is determined by you and the characters, rather than if other people think it should be faster or slower.
I agree with you- the lighter bondage was much more realistic rather than going full on heavy and having her really into all aspects of BDSM. It's a common feature on this website, and especially with A7X stories, but you definitely pulled it off.
Well done- and thank you for entering my contest :)