The Piano - Comments

Hello! My name is Blake and I am here form Comment Swap! Once I saw the title for your story, I was extremely intrigued. I really like the unique stories on this website, and this is one of them. I like your writing style and how I can picture everything in my head like it's a movie. However at some parts I was confused when you didn't explain enough. Anyhow, I loved the story and I hope you keep updating! Have a great day!!
Blake xx

So comment swap brought me here, and I'd love reading this. I loved the different type of story you wrote. It's so out of the normal, and those types of stories always catch my attention. I love the different stories rather than just vampires, and what everyone today is expecting.

First, I can tell you really developed this story before you started writing. You had all your terms that you developed, and the plot. For example the “edge” “edgies”. You had the idea completely thought out and it wasn't just thrown together.

I love the way you write as well. You have very clean writing style and make the story just flow from the top to the bottom.

I wanted to keep reading though. Where is this country that this takes place in. I can’t tell if it’s in the future or the past since there seems to be manors with housekeepers and there was talk of a “war.” Who is this new boss of Rory's? Why does it seem like he is so adamant about hiring her? I know we know his name but I want to know more. How did he get his scare?

The only thing I'd say to do is to keep writing and update soon!

I really like your writing style! It’s very clear and easy to read, and your descriptions are very vivid. The dialogue is realistic, and the overall plotline is interesting. The piano itself also seems like great foreshadowing, and I’m curious to see how it’ll come into play later on – is it symbolism for something?

“She's seen grand manors like this before, but from safely afar where she couldn't break anything or dirty the floors or any number of things that seem entirely possible at the moment.” I love this line. It really shows that she is from a totally different world, and she is aware of this. She views herself as too poor and low to be in such a nice mansion. I like how Hazel’s nickname is Zelly. It’s cute, but non-traditional. The fact that this is written in the present tense, but in third person point of view really helps the reader actually picture this happening, like a movie in their mind. “…she probably wouldn't have ever seen it at all if she hadn't noticed an incongruity in the shadows at the room's perimeters…” This line is amazing. It’s very descriptive, but in a mathematical sort of way, if that makes sense. I really wonder what significance the piano will have later on in the story. I’m assuming that Rory can play it. I also like how the chapter ends with a description of her passport. This is great so far!

I'm really interested in the idea for this! The title initially dragged me into this and I'm really interested to see how it and the old piano (ivory keys indeed, I'd kill for a piano like that!) factor into Rory's new job. I have a feeling it'll be interesting and I get this slight unease from reading this chapter that makes me want to continue on to make sure that nothing bad happens to Rory or Hazel. Keep up the good work!