Between Two Lungs - Comments

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Never has anything been so worth the wait. I think this chapter is a perfect lead-on from the first. It somehow both juxtaposes the violence presented in the first chapter and calls back to it.

In the sake of being constructive, I think the first sentence reads a little bit awkwardly. I think, "sending the feeling to", could be cut from the sentence in favour of something like, "brushing my skin, enticing muscles [...]"

Wow. I think I need a moment to compose a comment.

By the first line, I could already tell that this was going to be quite dark and intense. Jacks certainly had my curiosity piqued as well as the other unnamed characters. I can imagine the scene you painted crystal clear. You're showing the readers, rather than telling them.

I loved this line, honestly:
His voice stole my breath from me and though the instrument of his pleasure rested in my hands I knew his true power.
But I think you need a comma after hands. Did you really intended it to be though or is it through?

Either way, no one can say that this isn't an amazingly written piece because it is. You did a wonderful job writing this!

Wow Nic, this literally took my fucking breath away I am sitting here, on my bed, practically speechless as I try to piece together a decent comment.

But anyways, I can definitely see what you were telling me about this being a little different from your usual style, but I definitely don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. This definitely felt fresh to me, and I really admired how you refused to hold any punches back with even this brief opening chapter. The intensity was overwhelming in the best possible way I really loved the frenzied and disjointed style that this was written in because I felt like it was the absolute perfect way to tell this scene, and though I don’t really know anything about these characters yet, my interest was definitely piqued I loved how completely and utterly in-the-moment this chapter was, and I felt like you had me hanging off the edge of my seat the entire time. I cannot wait to see what you have in mind for this

This is insanely good. I can't wait for it to continue, I really can't. You know I've always loved your writing, but I'm calling this as my favourite already.

Holy smokes, that was intriguing yet I didn’t understand and I’m gonna have to read it over again. It’s amazing, I didn’t think the story “line” would be like that, I still loved it however. I thought it was a Jalex but I was wrong. It was still good anyways. One thing I will say that is negative it the size of your words, if you could increase them, it would be greatly appreciated. One positive is your banner/layout was perf.

Amazing. Intriguing. Mysterious. I need to know what is going on! Who is the main character, who the heck is Jacks. Can't wait to read the next chapter to unravel some of the mystery!

Beautiful Layout by the way.