I-55 - Comments

So I jut found this story and it's AMAZING. I really hope you come back to it and update soon!!!!

Hello! Comment swap here! :)

Summary - Very intriguing. I love how poem-like it sounds. And brownie points for writing about my city's team! Dem Blackhawks!

Ch. 1 - YES! THEY WON AGAINST THEIR BIGGEST RIVAL! Ahem. Moving on (I'll be commenting as I go BTW). Windy City in the first paragraph should be capitalized since it's a nickname for the city :) Roxie is spelled differently in the second paragraph than the rest of the times it's used. Not sure if it was done like that on purpose. Aww Roxie sounds adorable! The team's confusion after Roxie talked was funny. That actually happens a lot in Chicago when people have very strong non-Chicagoan accents xD

Ch. 2 - Lol Kane though. He's hilarious.
Toews seems so protective of Roxie even though he hardly knows her. I mean, it's a good thin he's protecting her from the perverted minds but the connection Toews has with Roxie is difficult to see (I hope this makes sense). As a suggestion, maybe add a little bit more detail to it so the reader can feel the connection.
Roxie's similes are hilarious xD
This chapter was so cute. Toews' nervousness gets me :)

Ch. 3 - LOL! thank you for making Roxie actually nervous about Chicago. Some author who write about Chicago sometimes forget about a detail like that. I always receive strange (sometimes fearful) looks from people whenever I'm traveling and I tell them where I'm from.
"My husband." DRAMA! I don't know why I almost laughed though.
I don't like Luke. He sounds terrible :\
I would really love to be in Roxie's place with that hug. But anyway, that little exchange was adorable. They're both adorable and mess with my feels.

Ch. 4 - Damn. This chapter put me on edge. When it ended up being Luke who called I almost had a heart attack. I felt my heart drop when I thought he called again!

Ch. 5 - WAIT THERE'S REALLY A LAKE CALLED TOEWS? Where have I been?
Anyway, another great chapter. I'm scared for Roxie though and now that fans were mentioned, I wonder what else is going to be added to the mix?

Ch. 6 - Oooo! Roxie found out! I sense drama!
NOOOOOOOO! She can't be angry. No! This isn't good for my emotions. And I feel so sorry for Toews :'(

Ch. 7 - Oh my. Kaner and Sharp. I love them. But I can't stand Krystal. Who judges someone like that? Now all that needs to happen is Roxie and Toews getting together! \(^_^)/

Ch. 8 - YES! THEY'RE GONNA MEET! But Roxie said to not get hurt. Is that some type of foreshadowing?

Ch. 9 - This chapter. I wanted to jumpy for joy at the end! And maybe I'm just saying this because I live in Chicago and we think all southerners sound the same no matter where they're from but I don't think Roxie sounds like a hillbilly. I think of hillbillies having a very, very exaggerated southern accent and her's doesn't sound exaggerated in my head. I read it the way you intended it to be read.

Anyway, I loved this whole thing! I wasn't planning on reading every chapter but I got so caught up that I did. This is very captivating and I can't wait for more! I'm subscribing :)

Well...considering we know people who actually talk very similar to Roxie who AREN'T hillbillies, I may be biased in saying I don't think she sounds like a hillbilly. But, ya know, that may be the fact that it's Alabama and that Southern dialect is fairly common to us.

My opinion? No.

"She's so skinny, she's gonna fall through her butt and hang herself." xD

Heh, in my experience, I've mostly heard very light to non-southern accents in the southern major metro areas I've been in. Most people living in metropolitan areas tend to sanitize their accents if they even had one to begin with to some degree or another for whatever reason. Of course, just let most of them talk to their mamas and their native dialect comes rolling out.

Me, I don't mind the written dialect. What bothers me more in stories is word choices that aren't accurate to the character. Like "fixin' to" - not a phrase that you'll hear, say, Californians (or Canadians) use unless they've got Southern ties. Or the word 'reckon' - it's used more in the south or in England, of all places. Anyone who's writing a character with a different background than the author should try to recognize these words or find someone to make sure the wording is appropriate to the character. It can really throw me when the characters use phrases or words that don't really fit. Like your Roxie wouldn't call an asshole a twat nor talk about her flat, she's not English. ETA: FWIW, your word choices aren't throwing me out. But I don't speak Texan.

of course, I've spent a huge amount of time with a huge array of non-native English speakers from all continents that I never ever make fun of someone's English, native born or not. It's an incredibly hard language and a very diverse one with a lot of strange turns of speech and much irregularity in verbs and nouns. And dialects. Besides, I'm monolingual, I've got no place criticizing someone else's attempt to speak my language since I have only a minimal grasp of another language myself.

Besides.... Hey bitches. Its a story. If you don't like what she writes, don't read it. There's a million more stories to read out there;) love you brinlee

I wonder if these girls commenting realize you're from Alabama. And considering we've talked on the phone, I know you def talk like this Hahahahahahha

Love love love the story. But I agree with whoever said she sounds like a hillbilly. She does not sound like she is from Texas, and in all honesty I've never met a southern person talk like her. It's not very flattering. It may be fine in real life, but when written down it makes her sound uneducated, and I keep thinking she is his little naive girl.

Loved the update! And if you asked me, then she does sound a bit like a redneck, but don't listen to me, I'm european and haven't heard the accent outside tv shows..

Well, I have to say I like the story --but my family is from Texas and I've never heard anyone speak the way you have Roxy speak. It would more like Appalachia and a tad bit offensive. Southerners don't all sound like hillbillies!

good chapter

: )

Fix it Jon

Go get your girl Jon! Communicate!!

Such wonderful protectors!!!!

aww

I kept hearing the "you got a friend in me" song from toy story at the end. Lol you should give roxy and the boys a horse getaway. Could have the potential of being pretty entertaining. :)

Glad she has them:)

cute.. they will protect her. I have a feeling she is going to get a big brother from Mr. Sharp

Adorable!!!!

Seriously love this story!!!
That hit was awful. Really hope he's not going to be out, we need him!
Anyways, please update soon!! :)