Loving a Dragon - Comments

Summary
The summary was quite a dump of information. While informative, I believe half of what you said could've been stated later on in the story or perhaps be given in a prologue of sorts. Long, informative summaries like this sometimes turn people off from the story itself. That's just me, though.

Chapter One
I feel like the comment about the narrator's father's voice was a tad unnecessary. It was just a completely random tidbit that didn't have a single thing to really do with the story.

Alright, so I'm about halfway done with this chapter, but I keep having to pause. There's so much information, and it's really difficult to keep up. Some of the things in this chapter could've been stated later on. Honestly, I like what you're doing with this, it's definitely a different take, but there's so much information that I have to take in.

I do like how the reader is introduced briefly to the Malfoys.

As I said, this is quite the information dump for a first chapter and it was really hard to get through all at once. I had to stop a few times because of it. There are also mistakes throughout the chapter, but nothing too bad. Still, I would suggest going through and looking over things.

I honestly do think you've got a great plot thought out, and I wish you the best of luck!

The layout for this is really simple, but elegant. I believe that it suits the story you are intending to portray here. As for your summary, I do think it's a tad wordy. It gives a little too much background on the characters that could be given in the story itself, but it does reel in the reader nonetheless, so it does its job!

Chapter One:
There is a huuuuuuge information dump right at the beginning, which is a little bit of a turn-off. There's just so much to read in big paragraphs without a lot of action going on that it's hard to stay focused. I'd recommend (at least in the future) spreading some of the information out as it becomes relevant to the story instead of putting it all in at once.

I do really like the little idiosyncrasies that you give to your characters. It really helps bring them to life! I'd recommend against too many small day-to-day details unless they are necessary, but they are fun to read, nonetheless. It really helps give your characters depth.

Also, you might want to check your paragraph spacing and re-read and edit because there are a few grammar mistakes as well.

Overall, though, this is a pretty good start to this story! Job well done!

@ RiotGurl
Thank you!
I switched layouts recently and I really like the layout, however, I never really read with it so I'll hunt for a new one.

Hello darling,
I just finished chapter one. I think it's a very interesting kickoff to the story. I liked the idea that wizards were fleeing to America to escape.

A couple of other things I really liked. The self cleaning apron. Genius!!
The spell that changed Sil's hair color. I need that stat.

I look forward to Sil going to Hogwarts and interacting with Draco. The line saying he used to much gel had me cracking up.

My only small suggestion is the layout is a little busy. I had to switch it back to the default Mibba layout to read the story. I might go with something a little simpler just for ease of reading.

Good job though and I look forward to continuing this.

update soon!

update soon!

I love this story very much. I cant wait for the next update to see what happens next.

Thank you so much!

Its a good blend of the familiar, with that slight blend of other things that makes a good work. Keep going!

ZR

I will! Thank you.:)

i love the cross overs, especially the supernatural one! xx please keep writing