Crash - Comments

so...we're 7 chapters in. Can we know what's how it was both of their faults that her dad died? Like, was the dad picking her up, and swerved to miss Braydon, or were they having some sort of secret love affair?

@ aliianya
cheers i will try and work that in somewhere

love how the story is developing! it would be nice to know more about their appearance. can't wait for the next update!

I don't tend to look for stories in the stories section but I came across this and I like giving feedback so ~

Layout / Summary:
The layout is easy to read and I like the picture you've used, however (as bad as this will sound) some readers won't even read stories if the layout is not up to a certain standard. You can find pre-made story layouts here or I'd be happy to make you one! As for the summary, it drew me in since it's not something I've read before, but I liked this one because while she was sad, there was this hope that Braydon was going to help her, even though he was the one who'd originally caused the pain. There were a few spelling errors and grammar mistakes - you can go here if you need help.

Chapter One:
I noticed a lot of grammar mistakes - particularly a lack of commas - but besides the grammar/spelling mistakes, I thought the first chapter was a good way to start off the story. I like that you started with the pain Olivia's feeling rather than introducing it in the middle of the story or in later chapters. Olivia sounds like a strong character with still going to school instead of wallowing - it makes me think she's able to pull herself together better than she thinks she can. I'm also curious about Brayden and what his role in this mysterious accident was. Solid start so far!

Chapter Two:
In this chapter, I like how you focused more on the pain of Liv rather than monotonously telling the readers how her day is going. I could feel Liv's pain and grief and I found myself sympathising for her. I also thought it was completely realistic to add in the fact that Em had stopped talking since she was in the accident with her father rather than making her be a bubbly five year old. I also liked that while her family is basically falling apart, Liv still makes the effort to continue her life, no matter how hard it may seem for her.

Overall I like where you're going with this and I'm going to subscribe because I think this has a lot of potential