Canon - Comments

@ hereslookinatyou
thank you!!

Oh my goodness, I am loving this story!! I totally just binge read the entire thing! Soooo good

The summary felt a little repetitive to me, just because of how much you used the word "average". I liked how you kind of let us know what to expect without really giving anything away, but finding other ways to explain how average her life is would definitely make it even better!

I really love the dialogue between Lizzy and Rose, it felt super natural and you could tell that they had been friends forever. You also had a really good balance between the dialogue and description that you had.

That being said, the chapter felt a little bit rushed to me, and I think that if you added a bit more description, whether you just add some more info about the school or the classes or flesh out their personalities a little more. I think if we learn more about the characters being introduced, it would help things not feel as rushed.

Overall though, this story feels like it has lots of potential. Great job!

The first chapter felt so rushed; so much stuff happened in the whole chapter. They started their first day, she met some new people, and then she was introduced to the guy in her trig class. I did like that we got to find out who he is, and get a little bit of information about the other new guys, but I feel that it could have been broken down a little more and given a little more description just to kind of slow it down little, if that makes any sense.

I love the relationship between Lizzy and Rose; I can just tell that they've been best friends since they started school. The way they speak to each other is so funny and reminds me of how my best friend and I speak to each other.

Quote

‘I have stomach issues.’ he smirks victoriously holding up a yellow note, ‘or at least that's what I wrote today.’

Here it is; the perfect quote. I think it totally describes the kind of person that Niall is in school - the bad kid who doesn't really care about school and will do anything to get out of classes he doesn't like. I love it though, the fact that one quote could say so much about a character.

I really enjoy reading this story. The characters are wonderful, but the story itself is just a little too rushed. From the chapters I read, the story is good. The feeling that I get from this story is basically what I felt during senior year of high school - easy-going and fun.

I think what makes a good summary, is something that lets readers know what the story is about or, at least, what the focus of the story will be. I think you did a good job of that - letting us know that this story will focus on the relationship between Lizzy and Niall and how it'll change her life - and I love that it was short and to the point.

I like the first chapter. I thought the interactions were cute and subtle. The dialogue seemed very real and it flowed naturally. And even though there's something a little cliche about the plot's setup (with this set of boys transferring schools and being friends and the girls kind of getting paired off with them), I think the story is easy-going and the original characters seem light enough to make a plot like that work. Plus, I already like the friendship between Lizzy and Rose.

Summary:
I think you overused the word average. We get it, she lives an average life, but I don't think you needed to state it five times in two sentences. I do like the name Lizette, though. It's unique.

Chapter One:
Trignothanks. What a perfect name for the class. I do like how you've set up the first chapter. There wasn't a sudden influx of characters that made my head spin or anything like that. The dialogue between Lizzy and Rose was natural as well. I could actually picture two seniors speaking like that to one another, it definitely wasn't forced.
I'm surprised Zayn and Niall were able to get away with all the tattoos in a high school. Usually they make you cover them up or prevent you from getting them at all, but if they're over eighteen, they can't really be stopped (or if they're younger and their parents gave them permission).
I would've liked more info on the boys during lunch, maybe more description?

I think the chapter was pretty good, though it was kind of choppy with the way you jumped scenes before putting a lot of dialogue or descriptions in. I would've liked more info on everyone, especially Rose and Lizzie. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes.
I'm going to continue this to see what it holds. Great job!

@ life.at.best
thank you for the nice comments on both stories (: very much appreciated!

the update was great!

@ Emperor Kuzco.
thank you! (:

I really like this!

@ ash's new groove.
Thank you! (:

I really like this! I meant to comment yesterday.

@ xChAoSx
couldn't agree more. one of the things that aggravate me the most! glad you're liking it though (:

Just read everything so far and i'm in love!! I hate when people judge others by their appearance, so when Lizette's dad did that to Niall, it annoyed the hell out of me. Can't wait for the next update!!

@ CandiVT
thanks!! so glad that you like it!

Seriously... I love this. I just found it last night and I am like craving updates. I just want to know what happens next!!!!

Seriously... I love this. I just found it last night and I am like craving updates. I just want to know what happens next!!!!

<333

@ AppleCider92
soo happy to hear that! thank you!

Love it so far :)