Never Ending Cycle - Comments

I think drabbles are great to write as "rants" they work out really well. I think this was good, but it had the potential to be great. What you did really well was create a sense of character. You managed to get the intended emotions across and you did it nicely. I thought you captured something that a lot of people could relate to.

"Maybe that will the mercy you are given." I thinnk there is something missing here, because it was confusing. Also the fact that this is the last sentence of the piece makes the error that much more noticeable. I think you need to fix it. Also I think just a nice general edit would be nice. I'm not saying you didn't edit, but maybe go back and look over it again. As much as it's fun to play around with sentence fragments, I think you over used that a little bit. I think that if you fixed that and used them a little less that it would make the story all that much better.

I think you do have something here and overall, I think you did a really nice job!

I think drabbles are great to write as "rants" they work out really well. I think this was good, but it had the potential to be great. What you did really well was create a sense of character. You managed to get the intended emotions across and you did it nicely. I thought you captured something that a lot of people could relate to.

"Maybe that will the mercy you are given." I thinnk there is something missing here, because it was confusing. Also the fact that this is the last sentence of the piece makes the error that much more noticeable. I think you need to fix it. Also I think just a nice general edit would be nice. I'm not saying you didn't edit, but maybe go back and look over it again. As much as it's fun to play around with sentence fragments, I think you over used that a little bit. I think that if you fixed that and used them a little less that it would make the story all that much better.

I think you do have something here and overall, I think you did a really nice job!

The way this opens gives a lot of personality and creates tension really well (specifically that first sentence and the following three sentence fragments). After that, though, the first paragraph really feels like the narrator is just kind of ranting. There area few grammatical issues I caught as well, so I'll cover those really quickly:

"...a cover up of your true feelings, pain."
-The comma should be a colon here.

"There's no escape, no freedom from it, you don't know how long it will go on, but it's already been long enough."
-The comma after "no freedom from it" should either be a period or a semicolon, otherwise this is a run-on sentence.

"You feel like your heart will explode if that were possible."
-I think "will" should be "would;" otherwise the tense contrast between "will" and "were" makes the sentence feel awkward.

It does, as you say in your description, feel kind of over-dramatic to me, especially when it's suggested that your heart exploding would be mercy.

Hey there!
I really love the title of this drabble. And this was so powerful, and so true. I could relate to it so well. For such a short piece, this was extremely well written and perfectly conveyed.
You’re really a wonderful writer. I haven’t really seen powerful content on Mibba for a while, so this was very refreshing. And the fact that you don’t really know the plot, and yet are able to imagine what it might be (and probably is), is spectacular. I’m definitely recommending this drabble, it deserves it.
You did a brilliant job with this one, I hope you keep it up! :)

For such a short piece this is extremely powerful, your way with words adds strength behind it all the way through, and that it something amazing. I liked it :)

What I really liked about this was that it was short, but it packed a punch. You don't exactly give away what's going on or what's happening but the reader can kind of guess or imagine what has happened and I really like that idea. You have a way with writing, my friend and I really liked this piece because I can kind of relate as well. Good job!