Adele - Comments

Thanks so much! I really appreciate the well rounded critique. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

Thanks so much! I really appreciate the well rounded critique. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

I am so impressed with your extensive knowledge on Quidditch playing. XD As I read the first few paragraphs, I couldn't help but think "Damn, this girl really knows here fictional sports!" I loved that. I think it really added an extra something to the story that you took the time to give us a bit of Quidditch action. It helped to pull me back into the Harry Potter world, especially since it's been years since I've read any of the books or watched any of the movies.

Something else I also noticed was how well the dialogue flowed. It read very naturally and realistically, which is something I think a lot of people have trouble with, so it was nice to see it so well done here.

I loved that you made a point to give us a little insight into Ron's feelings here. We don't get to see a lot of that in the books - except for rare moments when his feelings bubble over and, even then, it's very limited. I like that you took the risk of having Ron spell out his feelings, even if it might be a little out of character with the Ron in the books. And I like that here you've created a friend he feels comfortable talking to - someone outside the golden trio or his family. I think it allows him to get a little more honest which is probably tough, since his worries about feeling insignificant might seem petty in the grand scheme of things.

“Well there you go!” - As I was reading, I wondered if maybe your OC Adele was getting kind of brushed aside in exchange for Ron taking the spotlight, but this paragraph brought her back in nicely. Just in her words, I was able to see a little more of her personality and character.

It was big and calloused, and held her small, soft one with such care she thought she might cry. - When I read this, I wondered if Adele's hands should be rough too. If Ron's were calloused - probably from playing Quidditch and holding onto the broom for hours at a time - probably Adele's should be too. If she's been playing long enough to be considered one of the best, her hands might show some wear because of it.

I thought the end was sweet. (A little predictable - I think when you've got a pairing, there's only a limited number of outcomes anyway - but sweet).

I just caught this one typo: in thisgfrumpy state ...

I loved reading this! It's so cute