As Long As I Can - Comments

So the beginning part was very fluffy, which didn't feel quite right to me at first, so reading to the end it makes a whole lot more sense. The contrast adds a whole new level to the emotional blow.

I wasn't a fan of the actual hit-and-run scene. It was very clinical, and in a way that I didn't really feel anything about it. What might have worked better is adding a scene-break (***) and narrating as if it had already happened. Maybe something like, "She was found in a heap twenty feet from where she'd been hit," with lots of short sentences. It adds for suspense, and forces the reader to pause and process.

The second half was beautifully done. I can't imagine what kind of pain Zacky was in, going through with the wedding, but it was so sweet. It was so plain the depth of his love for her, and really heart-breaking.

Great job and good luck in the contest!

I'm here judging the one-shot entries for my pre-write contest!

My knowledge of Avenged is literally that the guy in the banner is Zacky so I apologise in advance if I make any stupid remarks about things that 'd know if I was in the fandom.

I got the feeling from both the summary and just the first little bit about the wedding invites that something was going to go down. I didn't think this was going to have a happy ending and I really like that you had that feeling of unease going right from the start. The second you wrote about the car hitting Liza, I knew it wasn't going to be a happy ending and for some reason, I'm kind of glad about that. I've seen stories like this turn out perfectly and that's often not the case for the majority of real-life situations.

The wedding was just so heartbreaking though. Knowing that she wasn't going to make it much longer than the wedding, it's kind of horrible to read through it because you know the pain that Zacky will be going through afterwards.

I noticed a spelling error whilst I was reading -- tattooes should be tattoos. Also, if you're talking about a male, it should be fiancé. Aside from that, I didn't notice any other errors! Lovely job!

I... I... I OHMYGOD I am crying. I'm literally having a feels overload.
I loved that Liza wanted to wear her mother's dress, that was beautiful. I also love that you had her thinking she had a month to fit in the dress. I never really see that in stories. It was amazing and I didn't see anything wrong, I find it amazing that you wrote this like the way you did. I honestly wasn't expecting the ending, which is good! I loved reading this!

This was so tragic and heartbreaking. It can be heard to pull a story like this off with such feeling and depth, but you managed it perfectly.

The beginning was just so lovely and fluffy, and Zachy's joke about the wedding invitation was awesome. I just knew something was going to happen when she went out for a run, but it didn't stop my heart from dropping when it did happen.

The scene where they got married was beautifully done, it was so emotional and you really got my feels going with this story. I was hoping for a miracle to happen somehow, but that's not how these things work out in reality I suppose.

Great story, such a good read even if it did pull at my heartstrings!

Aww poor Zacky when I got to the part where her injury is mentioned I couldn't help but bust up and laugh. I know it sounds bad it just reminded me of that Adam Sandler movie, Water boy. Lol didn't know a person with a brain injury could still function.

First of all, I really like the quote you used for the summary.

I knew this was going to be a sad story, because, well, it's you. You just love to torture poor Zack You just love to tug at the old heart strings!

So incredibly unfair for that to happen to them both, and so close to their wedding day! Bad things really do happen to good people. My heart actually melted when he smuggled her dress in, damn that man! The ceremony was beautiful There are now waterfalls bursting out of my eyes now, I can't believe she died so quickly after getting married. It's like she was holding on just to marry him *sob*

The ending was perfect :)

Good luck in the contest!

:( i need a bucket for my tears this was so beautiful and so sad and :(

Shew. I'm gonna be honest, I had to skip some sentences because tales like these make me depressed and sad. I'm naturally a depressed person so these emotional love stories have me reeling in despair. That's why I can't watch movies like "The Vow" or "The Notebook" ever again. Having said that, though, I read most of it. It was sweet he still married her and that she got to wear the dress! This story definitely tugged at my heart strings. It could actually happen to people ya know and that's what's so cryptic about it. Great job, though. You captured the emotion and tragedy quite well.

No, these in my eyes aren't tears! They're not, really... just... yeah...
Poor Zacky
But, in a sad way, I loved it! It was very sweet and I'm glad they managed to fulfill her last request...

Oh, my God! What are you doing to me!?!? This killed me, but it was so good! I thought it was sweet and romantic that he married her, and it had to have brought some sense of peace to know that she was happy in her final moments.

Good luck in the contest!