In All Conscience - Comments

I’m here as the new host for the ‘It’s Time For Some Female Slash’ contest.

The emotions you put into this were mesmerizing and heartbreaking. I kind of had an idea of what happened based on the summary, but the more you wrote about the narrator’s pain, the more it started to hurt. I started wondering why Louisa did it, I started wondering if there was a note until it was revealed that the narrator didn’t know, I found myself wishing I could have seen them when they were happy because it was clear that the narrator loved Louisa a passionate amount. When you talked about that ache in her chest, I knew exactly what it was.

I loved how the narrator fluctuated between emotions because you can tell that she’s still going through the five stages of grief because she went through denial, anger, and acceptance just in that scene where she was talking to Louisa. It made her human and very realistic so I could connect easier to her and better empathize with her overwhelming pain. I want her to be happy so badly, and I feel like she finds some semblance of it when she moves out and I feel like she even meets another girl later down the line but her and Louisa are definitely soulmates too.

So all in all, this was really well-written and packed with a lot of emotions so good job.

@ X_hello_hello_X
No problem! (: You are welcome!

@ XSoulXLoverX
It was a mistake haha. I forgot a word lol. Thank you though :)

Thank you for entering the contest.

I think that you managed to create a really nice story overall. I really enjoyed the overall story that you told. The emotional aspect of this story was incredible and perfect. You managed to make me cry, and yet still feel this sense of joy after reading it. This was perfectly emotional, you had the right build up until that intense moment of allowing the reader to just immerse themselves in the emotional aspect of the story.

While reading the story, I found this sentence to be slightly awkward "It had sparked so many things her life" I feel like the word in was missing or something like that. Unless I misunderstood the sentence, but it felt awkward when reading it. I noticed that there were a lot of short sentences, which I will say add a nice element stylistically, however, I thought maybe that technique was just slightly overused every now and again.

I think you are a very talented writer and you know yourself well, which I admire in a writer. I think you did a really nice job overall. I think you created something insanely special.