I’m here to judge for the ‘Use A Prompt or Picture and Write!’ contest.
I liked the concept of this piece. I’ll admit that I wasn’t too keen on the idea of a love triangle, but your twist on a typical trope was nice. It was refreshing, in a sense, that she did pick and then what stopped her and Deacon from being together was Adam’s ghost rather than his actual presence. So it was a love triangle in a way, but done differently. It was a nice concept, I appreciated it.
The biggest problem I had with this was that the beginning was slightly confusing. You went from a situation where all three of them were together because Crystal needed to choose, but then you jumped to Adam’s death messily. There was no smooth transition because you introduced the entire scene as if they were standing there right now and the scene was going to be Crystal making her decision. Perhaps if you rewrote just the first sentence, it wouldn’t be so disorienting because the second sentence was fine and concise.
I also think you could have benefited from filling this out a little more. It lacked the substantial detail that I needed to really connect with Deacon, and it felt rushed in an emotional timeline. You jump from Crystal having to choose, to Adam dying, to Crystal and Deacon getting together because of it, to them breaking up because Crystal can’t move on, to two years later, to them getting back together – all within 800 words? That’s a really demanding timeline where each point should be deeply emotional but you pretty much skimmed over them. You told me more than you showed me the feelings of it all. If you were to write about each key point in the timeline, I think it would do this piece wonders and deliver the impact you want to the readers.
I liked the concept of this piece. I’ll admit that I wasn’t too keen on the idea of a love triangle, but your twist on a typical trope was nice. It was refreshing, in a sense, that she did pick and then what stopped her and Deacon from being together was Adam’s ghost rather than his actual presence. So it was a love triangle in a way, but done differently. It was a nice concept, I appreciated it.
The biggest problem I had with this was that the beginning was slightly confusing. You went from a situation where all three of them were together because Crystal needed to choose, but then you jumped to Adam’s death messily. There was no smooth transition because you introduced the entire scene as if they were standing there right now and the scene was going to be Crystal making her decision. Perhaps if you rewrote just the first sentence, it wouldn’t be so disorienting because the second sentence was fine and concise.
I also think you could have benefited from filling this out a little more. It lacked the substantial detail that I needed to really connect with Deacon, and it felt rushed in an emotional timeline. You jump from Crystal having to choose, to Adam dying, to Crystal and Deacon getting together because of it, to them breaking up because Crystal can’t move on, to two years later, to them getting back together – all within 800 words? That’s a really demanding timeline where each point should be deeply emotional but you pretty much skimmed over them. You told me more than you showed me the feelings of it all. If you were to write about each key point in the timeline, I think it would do this piece wonders and deliver the impact you want to the readers.
Overall though, I did enjoy the idea behind this.