Where Nobody Hides - Comments

I was brought here by comment swap and I'm so glad that I did. I really like how you described how hard it has been for Fiona in her life, between her brother and her mother. You can really feel the anguish.

I'm here from comment swap and I gotta say that I'm happy it sent me here! I love how she was brave enough to leave her mother and brother behind and venture out on her own. Her character is definitely very likeable and you use just the right amount of description in each paragraph so that you can imagine every scene in your head. I loved it!

I'm here from comment swap and I gotta say that I'm happy it sent me here! I love how she was brave enough to leave her mother and brother behind and venture out on her own. Her character is definitely very likeable and you use just the right amount of description in each paragraph so that you can imagine every scene in your head. I loved it!

Comment swap:

Let ne start off with the description page. I love the way you put it like a poem, breaking the sentences in places you chose and not places people expected them to be. I must say; it makes me very exciting to start reading!

Second thing: the photo picks. I am very happy to see these are people, real people. (a lot of mibbians --and I must say I am guilty too-- use ridiculously beautiful people and you used people who are pretty, but feel real)

As for the writing, your descriptions are amazing. Even in the first part already. 'wielding a frying pan that I knew she fully intended to hit me with.' great way to make a frying pan sound like a weapon with only one word!

I also find it amazing that you can write to different characters and not need a co-writer. I could not do it haha. I rely on Chelsey too much!

Overall I loved this and I think you are a skilled and beautiful writer.

comment swap

i really love the title of this piece. it makes me wonder what it could be about & it intrigues me to keep reading. being curious before even starting a piece is something i really adore.

'...was to get away from the house that had never quite been a home to me...' i think this sentence is so beautiful. i love the way you have it portrayed which is a feeling i can relate to in so many ways.

i can almost feel fiona's emotions panging in my own chest. the fact that she has this horrid relationship with her mother (who is an obvious drunkard) hurts my heart & feeling pity for fiona (or any character) is what i live for. seriously, if i could hug her i damn would right now. past her being pitiful in the beginning, i do like how she has to support herself because no one else will + how she -- like any other woman -- has to watch what she spends her money on aside the 'frivolous expenses like nicer clothes & books'

if she was real, she'd be my bff

all in all, i really do like the up & down roller coaster consisting of fiona's life mashed into the intro. great job!

I'm here for the comment swap! :D

I love the beginning to your first chapter. It seems calm, but the description you use shows that Fiona's life can be absolute chaos.

"...my manipulative mother who believed vodka tasted like love if she drank enough of it." This is my favorite line.

The first chapter is very descriptive, which I love. Although I would've liked a little more dialogue, I can see why this is mostly description. You set up the characterization of Fiona nicely. I love your use of metaphors and similes here and there. They seem like you had no trouble thinking of them and I just love what it does to the flow of your writing.

Oooo! Only at the beginning of chapter 2 and I see Dave likes books, something he and Fiona have in common. I sense some romance!!!

THE BOOK THIEF! AH! I LOVE THAT BOOK!

Ahem. Anyway.

There's a different voice for the two point of views, and I applaud you for this. Not many people can do this very well and the multiple voices end up sounding like one. Dave sounds like a cutie. Your description was flawless again and the flow was perfect. I can't wait to see what happens between these two!

Might I add that I'm like Dave and Fiona when it comes to reading? I absolutely love to read and I could read so many books in two weeks time.

Well, I only read the first two chapters but I will definitely be continuing this later! I can't wait to see what happens to Fiona and her family and what happens with her and Dave. I have a feeling they will have a very cute relationship! :3

Oooooooooooooh - I love it - such a great start. And it's Dave Franco, can't go wrong with a bit of Dave Franco!

This is great, really. Can't wait for more!