In chapter 2/4 you have I topped in my tracks. topped should be stopped. and I would do my questioning a few feet of way of way should be away.
In 3/4 But why hasn't the ever mighty, all-powerful one? why hasn't he what, and shouldn't ever be all mighty? If this is what they hail Heaven I think there should be an 'in' between hail and heaven.
Other than the few changes I suggested above, I really like this story. I like how you right from first person, while never actually introducing a name or gender of your main character. The demonic angel is well described and beautifully tragic. I love the language she uses. I think this is well thought out, very interesting, and definitely unique.
In 3/4 But why hasn't the ever mighty, all-powerful one? why hasn't he what, and shouldn't ever be all mighty? If this is what they hail Heaven I think there should be an 'in' between hail and heaven.
Other than the few changes I suggested above, I really like this story. I like how you right from first person, while never actually introducing a name or gender of your main character. The demonic angel is well described and beautifully tragic. I love the language she uses. I think this is well thought out, very interesting, and definitely unique.
Good job. :)