Soaring in the End - Comments

Well I finally know what happened with the boy, poor Brian, though I have to question the wisdom in kissing a random girl he'd only met a few seconds ago, especially one who acted so odd. What was he doing there in the first place anyway?

I like the idea of this story, and you portrayed Eleanor's confusion well. I really like the way it ended as well. It leaves it open for a sequel, but is also a nice spot to end for a standalone story. I noticed at the end that you said "chocking", could you mean "softened with the choking" or something? Other than that, the only mistakes I picked up on was how you had the numerals. Unless it's a very large number, numbers should be written out as words, so 50 becomes fifty. Still, it's a pretty good story, with a good plot and a nice flow to the sentences.

This was great! However, in the second line it said "but I din't care." But that's the only mistake I saw. I would so love to read more. I finished it too quickly. It was the best vampire story I’ve read in a while. I didn’t expect her to actually finishing him though, but I like that twist at the end. You left it off at a great spot as well, saying how that was her prey. I’d love to see more of her in nature, and then moving to like a bigger town or smaller city. And if you introduced her mother and showed us what kind of a vampire she is. That would be super cool.(:

Fantastic layout by the way, I like the color scheme of it. I also love that picture, it’s beautiful. It also really complements the story, very visually pleasing, which is sometimes really hard to do. So keep it up. :D

As usual your story idea is awesome, plus you added the twist which always heightens your readers interest... I spotted a few tiny mistakes but nothing that pulls away from the writing itself :) good job with this chick!

@ Limitless;;
I am actually thinking about writing a full story involving Eleanor and her mother.

This was incredible. I really enjoy the imagery that this has, and it really was super interesting to read! The way you wrote your characters interactions was really intense, and I liked that this wasn't a love story. It's different than the normal vampire story I've read, and I really enjoy that. My only wish is that it would have been longer! I'd love to read more about Eleanore and her interactions with humans because it's just so darn cute ho she doesn't really know about them. Great work!!

Wow, I really wasn't expecting this. I really adore the way the suspense was escalating all through Eleanor & Brian's meeting. That was intense though, the last bit. The twist is something I cheered for bc most of the time you don't find good enough twists that make you cringe or your heart to literally beat out of your chest!

Good job!

This is so interesting, I like the sudden turn of events. Although I'd like more detail as to what was happening on the outside and more description when she was biting him, I really like it.