Painkiller. - Comments

I'm writing this as I read this.

I love how you use the opening sentence paragraph as the description. It was a really good idea in this, but for most stories, it isn't.

As I was reading I realized that in the second chapter "...the sadistic smile he displayed only to me drove me mad" I reccomend putting a comma between the first me and drove because I had to read it a couple of times before I read what was actually written.

Overall, I loved it. It reminded me of the song, and I like there was a reference (intended or not) to the song Pain. "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

I wish this was a full chaptered story because this would make an amazing story.

Live long and prosper, but don't forget to write.
~Sam

I'm writing this as I read this.

I love how you use the opening sentence paragraph as the description. It was a really good idea in this, but for most stories, it isn't.

As I was reading I realized that in the second chapter "...the sadistic smile he displayed only to me drove me mad" I reccomend putting a comma between the first me and drove because I had to read it a couple of times before I read what was actually written.

Overall, I loved it. It reminded me of the song, and I like there was a reference (intended or not) to the song Pain. "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

I wish this was a full chaptered story because this would make an amazing story.

Live long and prosper, but don't forget to write.
~Sam

Oh, I really liked this! And I think you should definitely expand on it, even just the first chapter was interesting. It drew me right in, and it's very relateable. (:

@ Atlas Finch

Oh gosh, your kinds words, I appreciate it a lot. It was meant to be a one shot, but I might decide to expand on it. Thank you so much again for commenting xo

Let me start off by saying I am so disappointed that you seem not to be working on this anymore (judging only by the fact nothing has been posted recently). The opening chapter has me very interested in what might follow, and I can definitely see myself slipping into being invested in their relationship. You're an excellent writer, and I hope you continue with this story. Best wishes!