Pride - Comments

Right off the bat, you’ve written so much emotion into the story and it’s already tugging at my heartstrings. ;_; I’ve never watched DBZ and I don’t know much about it, but I still care for Gohan, especially in his situation of losing his father. I like the hints of chaos in the aftermath of this battle, and knowing that Gohan’s father sacrificed himself is always heartbreaking. I’m glad it ends on a positive note, though – despite the turbulent emotions Gohan showed, he saved the world, and that’s always something to be proud of. This was very easy to read even though I’ve never watched DBZ, and you did a great job at conveying emotion in the aftermath of something monumental! :D

So I've never actually watched Dragon Ball Z, and I know that in some fanfiction, the author assumes that whoever's reading it automatically knows the background stories of characters, and it's discouraging when you just really want to get into it. But you do a good job of keeping the plot separate from the show and giving it a context all of its own, so good job with that!

I like the recurring theme of losing control and battling your rage; it's made clear that Gohan is very unstable after such a traumatic experience that left him wounded. He doesn't need to torture himself with the blame, because it's just in his nature, and he should be proud of what he's accomplished, no matter what the sacrifice may have been.

I only found one thing wrong with this story and that's the commas coming after the dialogue. Don't do that. It kinda disrupts the story flow. I'm sorry for sounding a bit rude/harsh but this is one of my pet peeves. The commas aren't really need after dialogue/quotations, especially when you already have punctuation in the dialogue/quotations. But aside from that, I loved this one shot. It's really touching and Vegeta was a bit OOC but not to the point where it would seem awkward. You actually pulled off both Gohan's and Vegeta's personalities quite well. And again, I apologize for sounding a bit peevish at the beginning of this comment. i see the comma coming after the quotations in stories a little too often and it kinda bothers me. I also saw a few other small, minor mistakes. At the beginning of the story, you should have a period or some kind of punctuation (most likely a period) because it kinda seems awkward to have dialogue or quotes without punctuation. Anyways, that's all for now. Keep up the good work.