Twenty-One - Comments

This sounds like an interesting piece and I'm going to subscribe so that I can see what you do with this. Even though the prologue is short, it's emotional and a sttong start for whatever you decide to do :)

Even though you just have a prologue. This is really amazing! I really like it and can not wait to see more! So please update when you can!

Oh no! Only a prologue? I want to read more! :3 this story is very promising; I love the idea (or the vague idea you present in the prologue) and I can't wait to find out more!

This is starting to sound like a story I was going to post on here haha, looks like I can't post it xD

But I know this is going to be so much better! I wait in anticipation for the next! I'm definitely subbing to this story.

Sorry for my late response to our comment swap, school and work have been getting the best of me lately. This is for both your prologue and the poem Twenty-one. I loved the poem, the juxtaposition of the sad story and how well it flowed as i read it. I have to say that I loved how you chose the age of twenty-one, just as the poem said, it's the year where you're supposed to start living life not ending it. As for the prologue, it was short and simple and right to the point. Thomas studying biochemistry indicates that he was intelligent (that's a hard major!) and he must have had some reason for what he did and why he would do that to his friend Spencer. As for Spencer, I already feel really bad for her, I don't think I could hold it together if a friend had done that to me. I like how you chose Saint Ophelia for the name of the facility, did you choose it because of the Hamlet character Ophelia who lost her mind and took her own life? I don't know what else to say, your poem was amazing and your prologue was the perfect introduction to your story.

This actually sounds really interesting. The fact that he ended his life while on the phone with Spencer just seems to add that chilling effect that all good stories need. I’ve read quite the few ghost and suicide stories, and none of them have had a twist like that before. It’s terrible that you had to go through the loss of a friend, but I always think writing about the topic is a good way to reach a more definitive form of closure. If this is paced well enough, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that this will end up being an excellent story.

This sounds incredibly promising. I appreciate that you explain that you have a personal connection to the story, especially with such a sensitive subject matter. The twist of the friend being on the phone and now in a mental facility is really intriguing - unlike anything I've read before, for sure. A basic introduction of plot and characters is definitely a good approach to summary, and you execute it well. The only thing I might adjust is your layout - the margin on the right cuts very close to the text and makes it a bit difficult to read. I'm interested to see where you go with this!

The summary seems very intriguing. I think it does a good job of setting up the story without giving too much of it way. It introduces the characters well and gives a little bit of insight as to what is going on in their heads before the story gets started. Looks great!

Suicide is such a hard subject to approach, especially when it has affected you personally. The summary seems as if it explains the background and sets up the story, and I'm interested in reading more.

I think this is a very succinct summary. It explains the background, or at least part of it, and sets up the story. I am definitely interested in reading this now. I also must add that I agree with Sleepinginnightmares...it takes a lot to tackle such a subject as suicide. I admire you for that. And I, too, am sorry that you've had to experience the pain of losing a dear friend.

I love this, I cannot wait to read it. Suicide is such a tragic thing and you're so brave and strong to write about this theme I would never be able to do so. I'm really sorry for your loss.