Musculature - Comments

OMG I SO DIDNT REALIZE YOU HAD WRITTEN THIS. I remember reading this once a long time ago and being just amazed by it. I love it when a story is told in so few words and done well and you definitely do it well. I disagree with some of the previous comments about it not giving enough character development and whatnot; personally I like stories that are just little snapshots like this. I feel like it leaves a lot of the rest up to my own imagination and sometimes I like to wonder instead of being informed of every little thing. I loved everything about this.

Layout / Summary:

Layout:..............I love the layout. The image fits perfect with the title and content of the story.

Summary:..........While there is only a quote as the summary, it really compels me to read the drabble.

Impression:..............This is a lovely and interesting drabble. I definitly agree with losing control. about how even though this is the .................................smallest snapshot of a moment, you mange to go into such depth with it and explaining what happens in that .................................moment with the body.

.................................Thank you for including the definitions at the end. Without them, I would have been completely lost.

Grammar:.................Spelling wise, I did not notice anything. With the sentences, I feel like the first two paragraphs would benefit from .................................smaller ones and help the flow of the drabble better.

Overall:...................This drabble was such a unique read and masterly crafted! It's no surprise that it won first place in the Word Vomit.

Finally, a place I can use what I learned in my Anatomy class!

Seriously though, this was a really interesting drabble. I liked how it was jut a snapshot of a moment, but you went so deep into what happens during a moment, it was really cool to read.

The first two paragraphs seemed like they had super long sentences in them, which made the flow a little bit awkward. It didn't take away from the writing too much, but I think adding in varying sentence lengths to add to the impact of it.

Overall, I really enjoyed this! And not only because I knew what all the words meant

While the layout was beautiful, this piece was quite compelling. I like it a lot.

"It is everything I can do to hold off the burning under my skin - "
That part was kind of awkward in my opinion. The flow of the drabble needs tweaking a little bit, but you can solve that by just adding complex or simple sentences that add to the description or can pacify it.

Overall, you've nailed the word you chose. This is an interesting drabble and I'd read something like this from you again.

I'm noticing a theme in your writing. Definitions. (At least in these contest pieces.)

This is a very different way at looking at a moment like this. I really enjoyed it. I wish there was more though, so that I could get a feel for either character. It's just so short that really all I have to focus on is the moment, not the people or place or anything of the sort.

I love the closeness to the body that this story has. Everything is technical, precise down to the muscles used. But I think you have to be very careful with how you use it. To me, without having some form of character development of the narrator, it doesn't seem to flow. It raises more questions than answers. How does this narrator know of all these technical names for muscles? (Without the author's note) How is the audience to know what an abductor or adductor is?

Also, be careful with that author's note. Because I didn't know what an abductor or adductor was, it was almost as if you were telling me more of the story in the note than in the actual story. I think there's a delicate balance that you can find between the story and the words to know that you gave in the author's note.

However, with all of the aforementioned, I really liked this piece. I kind of felt like I was on the minuscule level, maybe even one of the muscles that cause this movement in each of your characters. I know that's probably far-fetched, but that closeness to the muscles gave me that feeling. Everything is so small, but definite. (I honestly don't know if this makes any sense, but I hope it does because I really enjoyed reading this piece.)

Overall, this was such an interesting piece to read.Something I wouldn't have thought to write. I also think this would be cool to delve into more, you know? Take this idea but apply it to a slightly longer story. That would be something to play with, too; to go into that detail I was talking about with the A/N. Nevertheless, keep up the great work!

Please make this a "thing", whatever that means. If that means a continuation, please. Yes. If that means more little pieces like this one, yes, please.

I'm so curious.
Your writing...your word choice...
lovely.

I love how it starts out with "eloquent words falling from the mouth" because this entire piece is exactly that. You've put such beautiful imagery into this, and honestly, I'm scratching my head over that fact. This is about muscles! How the hell you made that beautiful is just... it's amazing.

I think my favorite line is "a false distance between us." It truly makes me smile.

Amazing job!

This was fantastic. Like the others have said, this is a seriously awesome layout, first of all. Your title is also excellent - I love simple, one-word titles because of the way they draw you in.

You've really nailed this drabble - every single word is so carefully chosen and it pays off big time. Your sentences are absolutely beautiful and the scene itself, mesmerizing, just from the way you've chosen to describe it. You've turned something ordinary into something extraordinary, and it's just really special and unique. The whole thing is really sensory - all the different visuals, smell, and even physical chemistry between two people. So stunning.

Great job and good luck in the contest!

I agree with wasp., this layout is so beautiful!

And secondly, this entire piece was gorgeous. I love how you described the muscle functions of each movement the main character was doing. This is was what I was secretly looking for when I made this contest, though I left it up to peoples' imaginations. I wanted people to write about every day lives in terms of the parts of the body and you, like, read my mind. I love this so much. Great job!

First of all, this is the prettiest and most perfect layout I have ever seen. And I absolutely adore this entire piece and your knowledge of the different muscles. (I also appreciate that you included the definitions, seeing as I know next to zilch about the human anatomy.) I love your word choice and the mysterious feel of this piece. The way that you don't go into detail about the situation, just how the muscles react to the situation. It leaves room for the reader to come up with their own image in their head.

I love this. You're awesome!