When the Dead Come Knocken. - Comments

Finally judging the Pre-Written Contest you entered a while ago.

I'm a big Walking Dead/Daryl fan so I was pretty excited to read this. Your summary is fantastic - it caught my attention straight away and gave away just enough to entice the reader. I really like the concept of the story as well. It's hard for me to picture Daryl married with all of his issues, and I like how you've kept him closed off when Ivy meets him again. It gives me the feeling that she did get under his skin before the turn, and he's just emotionally shut himself off again since. Very realistic.

I felt like the journey back to Daryl was lacking emotionally a bit. The bit with Ivy's mother was really great, and tugged, but the tension dropped off after she left. The chapters seemed quite disjointed and lacked detail. Considering she started in New York, it was a pretty short journey all the way to Georgia.

With a bit of editing, along with a good grammar/spell-check, you could easily fix that up. Putting in some more sensory wording would be a great start just to help improve your descriptions. It'd also be really cool if you could introduce some flashback scenes from before the turn, maybe with how Ivy and Daryl met to help with character development and again, tugging at the heartstrings.

Overall, I did really enjoy this. Ivy's very feisty and I appreciate that a lot. You have a solid concept and excellent bones to work with, and I can't wait to see where you go with this! Good luck in the contest!

I'm all caught up with this story now, and I'm really liking it... I especially like the fact that even though Ivy has found Daryl its not all happy and hooray (if that makes sense), you've taken it beyond that and added in problems which I think are realistic... can't wait to read more :)

I had to catch up a bit but I'm glad Lori was able to stop Shane from doing anything to Ivy. He's creepy. I'm really hoping that her and Daryl can be okay again.

cant wait for more

That was such a sad chapter!

I understand that she is emotionally stressed and just unsure of how to handle the whole situation, but I feel like she really should talk to Daryl. Even though he is one for the most stubborn characters. Haha!

I can't wait for the next update!

I think she should tell him about her mom. Can't wait to see what happens next.

@ Lex Luthor
Thank you :) yeah I have some errors because of typing from my phone. Lol but thank you again :)

Well, that certainly is one way to start a story! Your descriptions are pretty great, and the flow is good, so it was an easy read. I can already guess what happens to her mom, and probably in the next chapter. I'm not really a fan of this type of thing, so I am going to leave it be, but you definitely have potential.

I would say that maybe before you post you should reread it and make sure everything looks good, as I did catch some mistakes.

Those being that New York only has the second part capitalized in the summary as well as in the beginning of the chapter. You also didn't capitalize November, which is no big deal, but it is correct. Others include some spots that interrupted the flow a bit: "just happen in spot" "more and note" and "walked to close." To, should be too.

I'm not pointing those out to be mean, I just know that the better put together something is, the more someone will want to read it.

I hope you don't become offended, but if you do, please don't hate me.

Daryl what the heck? Not cool! Then again maybe before Merle and him got separated, maybe he convinced Daryl that she was dead or doing who knows what behind his back. I hope things can work out between him and Ivy though. Can't wait to read more.

@ Albluerose oh no worries! I would just suggest that when the story is finished, you do a brief editing process which could help. c: And thank you for clearing that up - now I have a better understanding of his reaction!

@ triplehearts
I would say a few weeks, because it took her a while to get out of new York and then get to Atlanta. And remember he was with Merle and we all know that Merle likes to down his brother. So it was most likely Merle putting things in his head, plus we all know Daryl around a group. :) I'll probably be updating shortly :) and thank you for not nit picking lol its very hard on this phone with spelling, since I can't seem to find a way to get rid of auto spell lol

So I got through all nine chapters and since it seems that you do most of your writing on your phone, I'm not going to nit-pick at everything spelling error. Haha! I can say that the plot is moving fast, but it's a good thing because I'm not bored at all.

I do want to know how much time has passed between the outbreak and her finding Daryl? Maybe that could help grasp the way that he is treating her at the end of the chapter.

Can't wait for an update!

i
cant wait for more

This is my first time reading a Walking Dead fanfic of any kind and I must say I am liking what I've read so far :) I really hope she finds Daryl soon. Can't wait to read more :)

Comment! (swap?) I love the interduction in the first chapter and the knowledge that her mum will be infected is a very good one; my head was screaming It is not a cold! get out you idiot! when she says she is just getting down with a cold. And as she touches her daughter, I cringed.

Poor world, a zombie apocalypse is never easy. You write very descriptive but it is not that much that it makes you bored of reading it all. The perfect balance. Please keep writing this oh and the layout is very nice too!

Comment! (swap?) I love the interduction in the first chapter and the knowledge that her mum will be infected is a very good one; my head was screaming It is not a cold! get out you idiot! when she says she is just getting down with a cold. And as she touches her daughter, I cringed.

Poor world, a zombie apocalypse is never easy. You write very descriptive but it is not that much that it makes you bored of reading it all. The perfect balance. Please keep writing this oh and the layout is very nice too!

Aw, I really enjoy this story and I can't wait to see where it's headed. c:

This definitely has potential, and this was a good start, you have description and to me the flow is fine :) Like you said there are some errors but nothing that can't be fixed. I'm going to stick around and see where you take this, because you could do a lot with what you have written so far. Good job.