Sunlit Fate - Comments

First off let me just say that your summary alone is breathtakingly written.

I can honestly say that this wasn't what I was expecting at all but something so much better. Your words created a vision, like I literally felt as if I was watching this instead of reading it. It was so so so perfect. I can't wait for the next chapter!

My favorite two things about this so far are the worldbuilding and characterization. So, we already know sort of that there are at least two different worlds and there's magic (?) of some sort involved. And--with the dark forces and the moon and whatnot--you've already started to kind of tell us how said magic works, which is something a lot of writers seem to forget. All that, without infodumping.

I don't know yet if the readers are being misled, but I also like the brief glimpse at the characters and what kind of people they are. I'm rooting for Mysta right now, but maybe there'll be a twist of some sort? Because this reads a lot like a prologue. It's really neat, though; I hope you continue.

This is absolutely brilliant. I'm a bit confused as to the two different parts, as it seems like one is speaking to the present and the second is focused on what has happened in the past. It's a cool twist, if I've understood it correctly, but it is a bit confusing.

The brief glimpse you give us of such few characters is amazingly building towards the culture of the story, and I truly find it fantastic. Because at the same time I have a feeling we have no idea what you really have in store for us.

Your imagery is absolutely stunning. I love the scene of the dark army approaching, although I do wish you gave us a bit more detail as to what Rosalba's surroundings are.

I hope that you revisit this and give us an update. It'd be quite disappointing if you didn't finish a story that has so much promise.

This is a solid first chapter and leaves the reader wanting more. I really like the fairytale vibe I get from this and the fact that you're telling the story from two sides is cool as well.

Your description is great and the chapters flow is nice and steady. I didn't see any mistakes, expcept that you put 'poor' instead of 'pour' in this sentence 'you must poor the rest of the enchantment on the ring'... it's nota huge thing to be honest, just thought I'd mention it

This, to me, reads sort of like a fairy tale of heroes and villains (with the added description, of course) and I love that feeling. It already seems so magical and wonderful, but I can also foresee some destruction and death in the future. And maybe some betrayal and confusion. And maybe some discoveries? Possibly. Maybe a cool ending battle?

I am happy that someone was able to escape, making sure that the prophecy comes true. But, it was sad what happened to the princess. I mean, what the heck man? So rude and mean. That's exactly why you're the villain and no one likes you. So there. But just from reading the first chapter, I am completely in love with this story. It's amazing and I just enjoy reading it!

The first chapter was kind of sad, I literally almost cried. I like the detail you put into your story and this may genuinely be a story I want to continue reading. Unlike fantasy stories and this one sounds like it could be really good.

I didn't personally find anything grammatically wrong with it though. I'd say maybe replace some of those - with periods, but I never really knew how to use them.

This is a BRILLIANT start! I love the originality of this story and I can't wait for the next chapter!