Double post.
December 26th, 2014 at 11:14pm
FIRST!
*Ahem*
Kissy you write some amazing stuff, it's compelling and entertaining. I can not say much from an introductory chapter other than the characters and situation are interesting, just don't venture off too far into clichéland. Or I'll be sad. Try to trim up your grammar a bit. In some places, you've missed contractions and you should add a few more commas in certain places. Kind of minor stuff, but do try to watch out for it!