Nonexistent - Comments

Normally, I don't like a story that tells you the ending in the first paragraph. They are a dime a dozen. But there's something, and I don't really know what it is yet, having only read the first chapter, that really hooked my attention. And it's two paragraphs! I don't even know what you did that made it have me. I think that says something for the ideas of what the plot can be, or just how you set it up to be read.

Your layout was a little difficult for me to read on and I had to use the default. I know that you were probably trying to create that sort of dead atmosphere, but I don't really think that the layout was at all advantageous for you.

Just an editing thing, when you said He aides Nate, "aide" is a person, like an assistant, while "aid" is the verb you needed.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this story. It was so sad that his brother was killed. Even if they aren't biologically related, the idea that you form a bond so strong that you become someone's brother and having them die, it's terrifying. I think you did such a great job showing Nate's angst. No one was to touch his brother but him. And then when he stayed while he was being buried. That was just so sad. The final sentence, it leaves the reader hanging. He never looks back. I still want to know where he's going, but not in the sense that the story was lacking. It was the kind of ending that would work great for a sequel. Or, if you don't, it's the kind of ending that makes you worried for the character and what his life will bring him. Great job, and keep up the great work.

@ WhereMyDemonsHide
thank you!

Awww :(
Ok, I really like this story. I'm like, drawn to apocalyptic stories, I'm into all that stuff so I wanted to read this right off.
I read your preface this morning, actually. And I was all happy when you updated again. I like where the story is going, keep it up.