I like this enough to give you some advise. I see two big things here that could be improved. One, in the second paragraph, your main character speaks 'facetiously'. This is distracting for two reasons. First is that it is not a common word and second is that it doesn't need to be there. You have the dialogue there, so either the words she is saying convey this or they don't and it needs to be rewritten. 'Facetiously' is just an unnecessary crutch. Also, don't be afraid to just use 'said'. It doesn't take away from the setting of the scene, since most readers skip right over it. The dialogue is the important part.
Second, and this is just something to think about, in your fifth paragraph, your character is 'eager and shocked'. Once again, either this is shown through your writing or it isn't. You aren't here to describe what your characters are feeling, your here to experience it. If it isn't conveyed in the writing that she is eager and shocked then that needs to be rewritten. Just throwing the words in there make it seem disingenuous.
Thought I'd leave you some advice. These are things that I struggle with myself, in writing, and constantly need reminding of. I think this excerpt has potential, though, even if you do never actually write the book. (Who doesn't have a million or so of these gems tucked away on flash drives and mysterious folders?)
Second, and this is just something to think about, in your fifth paragraph, your character is 'eager and shocked'. Once again, either this is shown through your writing or it isn't. You aren't here to describe what your characters are feeling, your here to experience it. If it isn't conveyed in the writing that she is eager and shocked then that needs to be rewritten. Just throwing the words in there make it seem disingenuous.
Thought I'd leave you some advice. These are things that I struggle with myself, in writing, and constantly need reminding of. I think this excerpt has potential, though, even if you do never actually write the book. (Who doesn't have a million or so of these gems tucked away on flash drives and mysterious folders?)