January 31st, 2015 at 01:37am
I also love the way that you let a sneaking suspicion build up about Hazel's true state. Judging from the title and summary, I had already deduced that Hazel was Toby's imaginary friend, but the way that you wrote as if she was a normal person at first was really good. You gave little details about her managing to get through the back door even though it was locked, and how she never ate her toast or directly interacted with anything in the real world. It really gave the chapter that extra something!
I really don't have any ideas on how you could improve - it's just that good. The only two things I have to say are layout related, and they're pretty small and insignificant.
1) Your story would look awesome with a layout.
If you need help with one, there'll be tonnes of Mibbians that will help you out. I could help if you wanted me to, but I know that there are some members that are better at layout making than I am. 
2) As I said, this is just a tiny detail, but in the Mibba guidelines it says that ideally, each and every paragraph in a story should be separated by a single line. It's a bit of a nuisance, I know, but it's the rules.
And it's not something to worry about either!This sounds like it's gonna be one amazing story. I'm recommending and subscribing. Nice work!
Uhhh, my God! Uhhh! That is so nice! Ahhh! Thank you! Ahhh! Ahhh! I'm so flattered! I'll get on the paragraphing, and I'm a little lost on the layout thing as I'm new here, but I will have a play around, thank you!!! SO MUCH! Your help would be so much appreciated too xxx I would love to message you xxx