There's a Certain Loneliness in Your Company - Comments

Fun Ghoul Frank is the best kind of Frank! This was seriously awesome, especially the amount of thought that you put into Battery City and the OC characters and everything. I’m sort of half hoping that Glitch is gonna get totally badass when she does training/joines ONE’s special team, because then she’d be a total badass and Fun Ghoul would get all flustered and wouldn’t be so confident anymore!

Chapter 9:
I felt quite sad when she was realizing that the house belonged to a family, and it sort of just highlights how everything has changed and all of these people had old lives once. Aw they’re all so worried! Love that they’re out looking for her even though she felt like she was such a black sheep with them. Party Poison’s murderous, quiet voice was amazing! Haha. I feel like you’ve portrayed their characters really well, and their conversations are just so easy to imagine it’s awesome.

Chapter 10:
Fun Ghoul being flustered and embarrassed. YES. Glitch is confusing me, and I think she’s confusing him too. I’m sort of not sure if she’s doing this because she actually likes him or if she’s trying to get out of the situation she’s in and being caught in the gun closet and all? I’m leaning towards it being the first one, and I definitely hope I’m right. Oh no! Skyla!!

Chapter 11:
Poison is just too wonderful. He hardly knows her but you get this feeling from him that’s sort of like, he wishes he did get to know her and that’s why he doesn’t want to lose her. My favorite part of this chapter was probably the quiet exchange between Poison and Ghoul, because they just look at each other and seem to have some kind of inner mental battle. And then when Poison is all, yeah you can go, Fun Ghoul just looks at him with lots of confusion.

Chapter 12:
ONE’s kind of all over the place cause he’s like forget your friends, but then he tells her that she has to go back and see her friends first thing? I feel like he should be grateful that she came back to report what happened at all, haha. I can already feel this sort of change in Glitch as well. She’s getting more confident in herself I think, which is good for her. I want her to be sure of herself and feel like she can connect with people!

Chapter 13:
Whoa! Didn’t expect that to escalate so quickly, hahaha! Fun Ghoul is just having so much fun, he’s amazing. Can’t wait for you to update! I’ve recommended and subscribed! :D

Chapter 5:
Okay first off, Eight Legs, what a badass name. That is awesome. I also love how you mention that Kobra and Poison are in synch with each other, and especially how Skyla fits so well with them because she’s all fearless. And aw, Glitch! I want her to be some kind of asset to the group in some way. I have to quickly pick out there’s an error around the middle of the story where you accidentally say “I finally saw what he had to put on these snakes,” when I think it supposed to be “she.” Thought I’d point that out to you so you could change it. (: The whole scene where he’s target practicing and then just casually lights up afterwards, too sexy. I really loved this chapter.

Chapter 6:
I feel bad for her that she has to be so haunted by ONE, and it’s sort of getting in the way of her ability to make friends and connect with the others. OH LORD, Frank’s forwardness just kills me. I love their little banter where she’s trying to steer him away from her and he just keeps coming back with his own little retorts haha, too funny.

Chapter 7:
I’m actually really starting to respect ONE and I kind of really hope that she goes with them because he seems like a total badass. His little speech, “I need my team to be quick, agile, quiet, and most importantly, smart. I need them to think on their feet in case things go Costa Rica.” It’s like he’s weighing up what he should do in his head, and how he wants her to get clean.

Chapter 8:
I was a little confused to begin with but you sort of unraveled why she was there and how she got back a little later on, which was good. I think that’s sort of what you wanted though, for the readers to be as out of it as Glitch was, so I think you did that really well haha.

Ah! I haven’t ever actually read a Frank/OC fanfic, but I’m kind of weirdly excited because I love Frank and this sounds like a fantastic concept. I’ll try to write a comment for the first half of the story and then another for the second half. Or more if I feel like I have more to say, haha.

Chapter 1:

Wow! Can I just say you really started with quite a bang? Awesome description and writing, I loved the choice of words and the realness behind the story telling. Very down to earth and the character is instantly somebody that I can relate to. It was short, sweet and a really nice introduction to the story.

Chapter 2:

You write action really well, without having too much description to sort of throw the story of or confuse your readers. I basically knew the entire time what was going on, and the way you worded certain scenes kept me on my feet. Especially when they had the gunfight and Glitch was jumping up for her gun before the firefight. There was a lot of adrenaline and fast thinking on her part.

Chapter 3:
I’m really liking Skyla Danger (awesome name), and their dialogue is awesome. Glitch is such a real character, and I really felt her fear in this chapter. I have to also commend you for really expanding the Battery City/whole concept of Danger Days by the way. You’ve twisted it and made it so much more, especially with little facts you put in like the dracs don’t get past Zone 4, and how there are smugglers/dealers, and not just one group. Makes the whole world a lot more realistic and interesting to read.

Chapter 4:
Have now found myself quite glued to this story. So I’m just casually enjoying the lovely descriptions you have in here and the “days out in the desert could be brutal whether you were inside or outside.” And then yes! Fun Ghoul! I basically jumped out of my chair in excitement. His smirking. And his frantic bandaging. And his shrugging. Too many feels!

Hiya,

Just started reading your story and so far I'm finding it interesting and a fun read! Just a few things I will say though:

1) Please change the layout! I like the background, but all the neon colours make it harder to read and is bound to put some readers off. A professional, if slightly more boring looking layout is more likely to make people stay. If they can't read it, they won't. Also get rid of "Frank Iero killjoy fan fiction" at the description on each chapter - it's a bit unnecessary and just kinda clutters up your contents page.

2) Watch your grammar in places. I'm not a saint when it comes to this, but I noticed in ch 1: "You're life flashes before your eyes when faced with death" - The first you're should just be your.

3) I love the level of description! It's making it very detailed and easy to invasion the world you're trying to create.

4) I also find it interesting how you've written from 3rd person perspective. I find this a really hard perspective to write from, so I usually end up writing in 1st. It's going well so far!

Hope some of these comments help! :)