November 25th, 2015 at 10:12pm
Colour My World - Comments
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So, I'm a history Major and this story has sparked my interest. I loved the first chapter and I will definitely continue reading.November 25th, 2015 at 08:36pm
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@ The Alpha's Angel
Thank you so much for your lovely feedback! You are a mibbian I can always rely on.
@ losing control.
Could you tell me which dialogue parts you didn't like? so I can look at them, maybe change it up a bit. Thank you for you feedback!August 30th, 2015 at 02:44pm -
I like this story! I really like the plot and the title fits the story perfectly. You explain the love between them really well and I really enjoyed that.
There's two things I wanted to mention. First, your dialogue sometimes feels a bit forced in places. It isn't all the time, but there are some lines that felt awkward to read. Second, a lot of your sentences were the same length, which made your chapters a but choppy. If you varied the length of the sentences a bit I feel like the chapters would have a much better flow to them.
Overall though, I really like this. Great job, good luck writing this rest of this!
August 13th, 2015 at 03:51am -
This is a great story and the detail you've added in is awesome, I didn't notice any mistakes and both chapters are well written and flow nicely from one to the other. You have a good plot here :)July 21st, 2015 at 08:37pm
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@ Divergent
Once again, thanks so much! I will go and correct the mistakes you pointed out! Mao glad you enjoyed the story!!July 3rd, 2015 at 07:52pm -
First I have to say that I am so in love with your layout. I spent the longest time just looking at it and how beautiful it is. Your summary and title are perfect, they give away just what I needed as a reader to want to continue on to the first chapter. Which was amazing! Though the sentence structure could use some work, the plot seems very strong and your dialogue really helps the story to flow.
There was one mistake I noticed: her undergarments A simple white bra stood out which should be something like her undergarments - a simple white bra - stood out. Otherwise, this was error free and well-written!
You've got yourself a new subscriber, because I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work (:July 3rd, 2015 at 07:39pm
Oh that is amazing! I'm glad you liked it! Please point out if we do anything historically wrong; I'm not that up to date on American History, being a Dutch girl.