Into the Light of Day - Comments

I loved this story! On to the sequel!

I am in love with the amount of description that you've written into the chapters. It's always something I've loved about reading stories. You've been successful in painting a picture in my head, while adding some small details about the characters as well.

Oh goodness. Has she told Charlie that his father treats her so poorly? And maybe even if she did, he wouldn't believe her since he probably thinks that his dad would never do something so horrible to her. Maybe the abuse is why her mother left. Or not, I don't really know. But I'm happy that she has Charlie in her life to makes things a little better. And her best friend.

The relationship between her and the others around her (Charlie and her best friend) is so great. It makes me happy how much she is cared about by them. They really seem to like her, and she needs them just to get her through senior year; everyone needs someone like them to help them through life.

From the few chapters that I read, I think this story is really good. It's got a wonderful amount of description with dialogue that only enhances the plot. Wonderful job!

Something in the summary would have definitely been nice to see - even if it was just quote or excerpt from the story. Something to give readers and idea of what they were getting into.

Woo! I feel like there was a lot of description in the first chapter. While that's not necessary a bad thing, when it's focused on details that aren't necessarily important or significant, it can get a bit tedious to read. I definitely think you do description well, so if you focus it to highlight key moments moments (instead of every detail), I think it'll help parts of the story stand out more and help other parts move along a little more smoothly.

I thought it was interesting how Andi described her school. Interesting that she was eager for it to end but it seemed like she had absolutely no plans (or even hopes) for her life after it. I think that ties in nicely with the fact that she's (seemingly/probably) cutting and maybe otherwise suicidal. I thought those to things (her outlook on her future and the wince at Charlie touching her wrist) were nice subtle hints.

Summary:
The lack of a summary really turned me off from the story. I would have liked to have seen something other than the fact that Mibba deleted your stories (which could've been put in the author's note) or that it's Frank and an OC (which could've been put in the description). However, I do like the fact that you included warnings.

Chapter One:
The first thing I noticed when starting chapter one was the massive blocks of text and information. The large walls of text could scare away potential readers.
I do like your descriptions but they kind of went on and on, like with your small rant about Green Day. I feel like it wasn't exactly necessary for the story.
I'm confused as to where Andi and Charlie's parents are. You described the place as Charlie's. Did something happen to their parents? If so, what?
Ah, so is it just their dad that's around? I'm assuming he's abusive as well? Or maybe he was in the past?

All-in-all, the beginning of the story was definitely cliche. I've seen beginnings like this in a lot of stories. Andi doesn't have many redeeming qualities about her, but then I haven't gotten too far into the story. As I stated above, I enjoy your descriptions. You have a few spelling/grammar mistakes scattered around the chapter, but they were all very minor. I personally won't be continuing this because it isn't my cup of tea, but I wish you the best of luck!

Awww. That was a cute ending. I kinda want a sequel. To see what happens with MCR.

Awww. That was a cute ending. I kinda want a sequel. To see what happens with MCR.

WELL... I was not expecting that...
I like it :3
Much love <3

WELL... I was not expecting that...
I like it :3
Much love <3

Holy fuck. That was....intense. I'm so glad you finally updated again <3

@ deathXbeforeXdisco
Thank you! That's a very nice comment! :) You might have to wait a bit unfortunately for some more, I have my finals on Monday and then I'm going on holiday for a bit. Will try and update ASAP though! :)

Holy shit balls this is awesome!
I feel like this is a very real and natural story. Does that make sense?
I feel like Liam is more believable by just doing little strikes as opposed to beating her senseless all the time.
Either way, Frank is adorable and And I is amazing :)
Alan a is the jam to my peanut butter too :P I honestly can't wait to read more :)

Damn girl. Very nice! Uh oh. What does Charlie want? Is he angry with Andi? Frank is so sweet to her. I can't say that enough.

Pleeeease plan a sequel! I would read the shit out of it! Oh, my god. the way Charlie found out was exactly like I thought it would! I'm so excited to see how this all plays out.

Love it! I look forward to your updates :)

@ Shelbysaurusrex
Dun dun dun... Mebbe. :P

@ custom_breakdown
Thank you very much! This story doesn't have much longer to go, but there might be a sequel...

Your story is so so fascinating is one of the kind that you never want to finish it is so good I love your style you really should go on with this story and make it really really long you have skill and I really love it you are great <3

What's Charlie gonna do?! Is he gonna go try and hurt Frank? Do you think Frank will tell him what's really been going on? I hope he does. I know that's kinda betraying Andi's trust, but it will hopefully get her out of that situation.

I vote kill off Liam. But I'm sure he's still kind of detrimental to the story. I love reading your updates. This was such a great chapter. Can't wait for more!

That was heavy. Damn. I wish it were that easy for me hahah. She has such a good relationship with all the guys. She fits in really well.