Demon in My Mind - Comments

Thank you both for your feedback! I will definitely be working on continuing this! I work full time and can get a bit busy, so if you are patient with me, I promise I will get more chapters out for you to check out soon. I really appreciate the feedback and am glad that you both seem to be liking it.

SO! Firstly I am glad I caught this. I see you've been wanting feedback so HERE I AM!

(Heh, just wanted to mention that my story has demons in it too - hello kindred spirit lol)

SO - to begin I do like how involved you are in this world. It is only one chapter yes, so I cant say for certain - but it seems as if you've let this idea percolate for a while and it has started to develop a full on world. Perfect for Original Fiction.

However my main thing that I was a tad startled by - the female is fifteen. Now I know, I sound like a prude but...DAMN that's early. lol However I understand that a demon looking to spawn would really only care about fertility and by fifteen well... puberty - just saying. It did throw me though so... food for thought yes?

I do enjoy the opening. It's quite the classic bit yes. And I do enjoy the paragraph spacing. IF YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO INDENT ON MIBBA PLEASE MESSAGE ME. Lol i've been trying to work it for an age. Addendum, If you wish, you could leave the prologue as it's own chapter. They don't always have to be long to get a reader engaged; know what I'm saying?

I also am enjoying the mythos. I wonder if this story is entirely from Damien's pov or perhaps will you flesh out the character for Joanna?

I have subscribed for future content! Happy writing!

Very interesting and original. I've definitely never read anything like it. I love the whole concept, it's a pretty awesome storyline, and I can't wait to see where you take it.