July 10th, 2015 at 05:48pm
It's small, but I think you're able to convey the character's feelings well. I liked how you talk about pride when she was thinking about climbing into Justin's bed. It made it seem real because I know a lot of people just can't bring themselves to do it because of how much pride they have, but then she realizes that she doesn't care and I think that also showed how much she needed him.
Also, I really liked how you described his voice as "heavy with sleep" because I totally heard that in my mind, and omfg did that sound so hot to me.
Then after he apologizes, I liked how he was totally chill with it and it seemed that he was just so happy for things to be good between them again when he told her to go to sleep. It was super cute!Great job on this! :D
I didn't see any major spelling errors, so good job. You are a good writer. I love how you portrayed the main character, it is easy to rely to her. Actually, your story kind of reminds me of some of my past relationships that haven't been always easy and all cute. I can't wait to read more from you. Good job xx