Shiver - Comments

Wow this is an awesome story. But idk how to feel about having to kill kellian. I just- they love eachother so much it's impossible to see. Did that dream happen because Cassie wants zach to see what has to happen. Or??? I'm confused but excited to see what happens.

Sometimes you don't really think that leaving everything behind and moving to a new place would be an easy and smooth transition, but it really isn't. You've really made that clear just in the beginning of the first chapter, mentioning that the main character basically sold a bunch of their things that they needed (or just wanted or was handy) just to afford to move away. And that probably left the main character with little money just to travel with since now they don't have a job.

I find it a little suspicious that he was hired basically right there on the spot without Killian knowing much about him. Maybe something odd has happened to the other employees and he just needs them as soon as possible. Hmmm.

I knew something was off about Killian! He was too suspicious around Zach! Ohhh, things are getting interesting now that we know a little more about the mysterious Killian.

I really love how mysterious the summary is. It really helped me get a feel for what's to come and I appreciated that. Honestly, I'm super excited for this story!

Chapter One:
I love the way you opened up the chapter/story. It pulled me in and I kind of laughed just because I can relate. Moving from a small town to a big city is quite the change.
School is just a piece of paper that says you’re qualified to do whatever it is you went for, but 99% of the time, no one will hire you for a piece of paper, they want to know about how much time you’ve actually spent doing whatever your paper says. I really loved this line.
Big drastic life changes are the reason why I can’t have nice things. My God this is so relatable!
I already love the interactions between Zach and Greyson. They both seem quite sarcastic and it looks like their personalities go together really well.

Wow, Killian seems like a huge jerk. I feel bad for Zach, but I hope things get better? Maybe Killian lightens up?

Flynn really seems like a sweetheart and I can't wait to read more about him!
I absolutely loved the first chapter! The only thing I have to say is that you need to watch your capitalization, plus there were a few spelling/grammar errors that need to be looked over. However, those things were quite minor.

I'll definitely be reading on to see what more this will hold. Well done!

I like that this is set up like a full novel. You can tell that you put a lot of effort into this story. I will say that the consistently long paragraphs made it difficult to keep focus and not wander off in my mind. I think the first chapter does a good job of setting up Zach's character. We can see that he is a little bit cocky from the way he interacts with Greyson. He is also very open in his first meeting with him, which shows that he has to be at least somewhat outgoing. Killian was definitely a dick to Zach at first when he was only trying to get a job but I'm glad he gave him a chance to try working!

Amazing update. ♥
I'm really excited to where this story goes from here.

Holy shit Batman! I'm so in love with this story already! Can't wait for more. :)

This is awesome

I really like this so far!!!
excited for updates :D