Dollhouse - Comments

I read all three chapters so far and, though I enjoyed this, I feel that this story is more of a diary entry than an actual story--especially because (apart from the poem at the beginning of each chapter) it is all in italics. I don't understand if their is a plot to the story, which is normally obvious by the second chapter, or if it's just a glimpse into Riley's life. As dysfunctional as it is (and, trust me, I know dysfunction personally), it's a good read. You can definitely do a lot more with it and to it. In fact, I feel as though Riley should be maybe a year or two older. She certainly acts that way--and even with abuse forcing her to grow up mentally before her time, there would still be childlike tendencies because she wouldn't have enough worldly knowledge and understanding just yet. However, those characteristics aren't being shown in the writing. Also, the first chapter I feel is more of a summary than a first chapter. You can honestly jump right into the second chapter with ease. You have a great way of hooking a reader in, that's for certain and I definitely love the poems at the beginning. I hope that you continue the story, but ad plot, work on grammar and detail things a little bit more.
Actually, it would be a great idea if--in case you don't have an actual moment you're building up to in the story as "climax"--you used what you already have written as the beginnings to chapters as her diary entry and then continued the chapters with a detailed 3rd or 1st person view of a specific instance that happened inside the family. It would hit home with great impact--especially since you have a good sense of flow and style.

Wowzers!!! Disfunction and more disfunction. Families rarely are what they appear on the outside. I like the way you've let us in on this families secrets. Maybe a chapter from another family members POV would be interesting?
I'm subscribing, but scared to read more. I'm pretty sure her brother is molesting our main girl...
Please update soon. It's not nice to leave a girl hanging. ;)

Whoa this is some heavy stuff!!
I really enjoyed reading this.
I love that you have made me feel so sorry for her and her mother already and absolutely hate her brother even though we do not know the full extent of what he has done to her.
Her dad also seems like a jerk.
I have subscribed and I will looking forward to reading me, hoping that his family's life will improve towards the end.
Although I am guessing it is going to get worse before it gets better :(
I hope lots more people start to comment on this soon as you deserve lots of comments!
I am looking forward to an update!
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