Ascendance - Comments

Holy fuck. How did you do that formatting? Everything is so well detailed and documented and I am having a heart attack. I know I'm late to the game, but this is amazing and I hope that there is going to be more. Please teach me your ways!

Okay let me start by saying, demonic possession is hot! Or angelic possession like the angel possessed people in that movie legion. Anyways this story is totally legit. I love the initial idea, and the story lihe seems really amazing. The tape recording session is a unique add on and one that really works in the case of this story. I look forward to reading more:)

Giiirl, you need to bring this story back!

I love the way you've formatted the chapters. I find it so incredibly frustrating to read chapters that have words that are intentionally blacked out, but it brings a really cool element to the story that I love. I hope in the coming chapters we get a glimpse into Amarys' background, because I'm really interested to see what happened with her family.

Also I really want to see what's going on with the demon possession situation, because Supernatural has me all excited about Lucifer and his demons

I hope you write more of this soon, darlin!

The way this is written is actually really intriguing. It makes me feel that I'm actually investigating something I'm not supposed to be seeing while I read this, especially with the blacked out parts. I am wondering though if this is going to be how the entire story is written, it seems like not since the first chapter wasn't written that way. Elric seems interesting too, and I'm wondering if the demon possession thing is still a secret even after fifteen years of them running wild it seems. Elric obviously knows, but someone doesn't since they're hiding the 'sensitive' information from SOMEONE. All in all, this is so far very intriguing and while at first I thought it might not be my speed I am very interested. You've done a good job so far, this seems like the beginning of a very creative story.

The way this is written is actually really intriguing. It makes me feel that I'm actually investigating something I'm not supposed to be seeing while I read this, especially with the blacked out parts. I am wondering though if this is going to be how the entire story is written, it seems like not since the first chapter wasn't written that way. Elric seems interesting too, and I'm wondering if the demon possession thing is still a secret even after fifteen years of them running wild it seems. Elric obviously knows, but someone doesn't since they're hiding the 'sensitive' information from SOMEONE. All in all, this is so far very intriguing and while at first I thought it might not be my speed I am very interested. You've done a good job so far, this seems like the beginning of a very creative story.

I love the way this story is written, I've never read anything with this type of setup before and it's refreshing to see something new (at least new to me). This is definitely something that holds my attention and keeps me wanting more.

For the Comment the Summary Thread:

First off, I was definitely intrigued and captivated by the first little chunk of the summary. I feel like, overall, that’s the part that probably stood out the most for me and really hooked me in as a reader.

Moving onto the longer bit of summary, while I thought the premise you’ve created and set up here was definitely unique and as a reader, I’d be interested in checking out the story, there were quite a few instances where lines were awkwardly worded and the flow was a little off and unnatural. I also noticed a few grammatical errors.

Amarys Holloway’s demons not only reside in the past, but also the present. – There shouldn’t be a comma here. This was also one of those lines I felt was a little off as far as flow is concerned, but that could be because of that comma.

The facts were clear; the hosts no longer exist after the initial possession. – There should be a colon here instead of a semi-colon.

In 2031, demon possession was supposed to be the end to Amarys’s life. But, when the demon seized control of her body, Amarys’s soul remained. - This should really be one sentence. Having the break there really interrupts the natural flow.

The year is 2036 and humans are no longer the apex predator, instead they have quickly become the prey. – On the other hand, I feel like this should be broken up into two sentences as in, “The year is 2036, and humans are no longer the apex predator. Instead, they have quickly become the prey.”

Demons and Angels are the hunters now… – I feel like demons and angels shouldn’t be capitalized as proper nouns here (clearly, “demons” would still be capitalized as the first word in the sentence, but you catch my drift). If you had capitalized the other references to demons in this summary, it would’ve been fine, but there needs to be that consistency.

and how do you tell enemy from foe when good and evil wear the faces of your family and friends. – Honestly, I don’t mean this to come off the wrong way, but I really feel like you could do without this part. It just comes off as one of those redundant questions that people like to use to close off their summaries. The summary closes on a more impacting/resonating note if it doesn’t end in a question.

Overall, I’m super intrigued by the premise, and I feel like you did a great job providing the reader with enough details and information to get a clear idea of what the story’s about without giving too much away

I just love this. I can't even think of where this is going.

I did get a bit confused when Elric said Miss. Holloway. And then it goes "Anyway, my sister, Evalyn..." and then he's saying "When what?" as if it was actually Amarys talking.

You already know I'm a fan of this formatting, but I just wanted to say it again because it's just so so great.

This is so eerie to me, but completely captivating none the less. When Amarys (love her name btw) starts speaking in another language its very unnerving because I know that's the demon showing it's self. And you're so crafty with how you block out the 'classified' information in the transcript. I'm just so eager know whats going on, but I love the suspense and I'm so excited to see whats to come.

Holy shit. That was intense, that was awesome.

Holy shit. That was intense, that was awesome.

The cliffhanger

I love the way you wrote this chapter. Like I said about your story before, it has a very Supernatural (like the TV show) feel too it and I adore that.

I'm super excited to see what happens~

I think that you need to write/post the next chapter because I don't like being left hanging. I want to know why she can't remember what she's done, and what the hell she said. I absolutely love this set up.

This first chapter only served to make me want more. This was a wonderfully written precursor on what’s to come and I'm definitely feeling the anticipation. Until the next chapter

Moremoremore! I can't wait for what's to come. This is just going to be so good. I'm definitely repeating myself, but I don't care.

Felling the sting did you mean feeling?

I. Can. Not. Wait.

I can already tell that this is going to be epic. And I see that @ruines. thinks the same thing.

I'm just going to subscribe and recommend already, I already know I'll end up doing it once you start posting.

I'M PUMPED! This is going to be epic