June 25th, 2016 at 11:37pm
This story is so interesting. There have been other plots along the same theme, but obviously that can't be avoided. The way you did it was really interesting though. I like the information about the military at the end of the first chapter. It says a lot about what kind of place she comes from.
The issue that might keep me from continuing to read the story is the format, though. Without a layout, the page is really wide across the screen. Additionally, The paragraphs are really big blocks that make it seem like one long rant. Same with the speech. There aren't any spaces between who's talking so it makes it difficult to follow along.
I know the layout is superficial, but the formatting of the story is something a lot of people consider when trying to decide if they're going to read something. The concept is super interesting, so I think if you fix up the formatting, your story will get a lot more attention. :)
honestly, thank you so much! i usually post this on Wattpad as well, where there's a lot less focus on the layout, but thank you so much for your advice! i'll have a look over it, especially as the earlier chapters are a bit shorter than the latest ones. i updated each chapter, fixing mistakes a few monts ago but i can't remember if i did the same here. i'll certainly work on it, as i put a lot of focus and attention onto this story! the earlier chapters were written ove a year ago, so i'll definitely look over them and try to do something with the layout and format! honestly thank you so much, i don't get a lot of feedback on this so it really means a lot :')