Dear Olive - Comments

I'm here delivering a very late comment from my Make Me Laugh, Cry or Sit on the Edge of My Seat contest. Apologies for the delay!

Layout / Summary

A small irk I have with the layout is that the summary and chapter fonts are very different. Aside from that, the layout is clean, simple and easy to read. The summary is interesting -- I like the line about perfection being subjective, because it's very true.

Content

I like that the letter content is included in chapters. It's interesting to see the letter itself, and then the reaction to the letter from the character. It gives the reader more of an insight into the character's personality, and it also lets us get more information for the plot.

What I find the most interesting about this story is the idea that Olive has changed for what she believes is the better, but Charlie doesn't. Normally, these kinds of stories are told from the view of the person changing, so it's really unique and interesting to see the view from the other side.

The characterisation is really wonderful, as well. You can tell as you read on further that even though he says he's done in the first chapter, Charlie really isn't over Olive. His pining for her comes across really well in your words, and you get this sense that Olive is very cold, especially from the way that she speaks to Charlie. Your characters have dimensions, and they're a joy to read about.

Concrit

There are a few instances of grammar errors, particularly in the second chapter -- I'd suggest reading through to catch those. Additionally, your paragraphs are often on the short side. I'd suggest using a little more description in areas to pad them out. Use instances of feelings, describe what the character sees, smells, thinks. You're already doing that to an extent, but pushing it up a little bit will give your paragraphs more character.

Overall

This story has a really interesting concept behind it. I think we all try and strive to be perfect, so it's actually making me think about how I view myself when I think about how Olive changed for what she believed was the better, but it didn't seem that way to the people that knew her. Nice job!

The layout is quite simple, so I appreciate the ease of reading. As for the summary, it certainly draws me in. I'm very curious to how perfection ties into everything now.

Chapter One:
This is sort of making me think of The Uglies with that beginning letter. I'm curious to see where this goes.

I love the detail Olive looked like a retouched version of the girl that she was before. I honestly think that is the most perfect description you could go with for what you want to portray.

Small spelling error: I had [KNOWN] her...

Small grammar/word choice error: ...I loved more [THAN] anything...

Oh gosh... this whole thing is heartbreaking. This first chapter though is a perfect beginning because it really sets the stage for the rest of the story and the world building. I have so many questions about how that society works and if everyone HAS to go through that change.

Other than the small errors that I pointed out, just make sure to watch spacing and placement of quotation marks (there are a couple areas at the end that need to be looked at again). This was fantastically descriptive and just detailed enough to leave me wanting more. Great job!

I love this story a great deal! I've never, ever read a story that had me bawling and uncomfortably emotional by the second chapter.
I really like how it eased into the story, with a letter. It makes the reader wonder what's going on, and what went wrong. The emotional state of Charlie from the first sentence is easy to understand, and the way he describes her, and how he feels like she became one of the preppy people, and the fact that she's not the same, is heartbreaking, in a good way. I have a terrible time trying to get my readers to feel what my characters are feeling, you did an amazing job! I'm excited to read more of this story! It caught my attention quickly, and I read it to the end, because after every chapter, you still wanted to know more about it, and just kept reading until I came to that fateful end of the line hahaha. I love this! Can't wait to read the next update.

I like it! Awesome writing

Summary:
I enjoyed the quote you added, but I really wish you would've added more of a summary so the reader knows what to expect.

Chapter One:
Wow, that letter was so powerful and I can just tell how hard it was for him to write it. Honestly it must've killed him, but he knows that he has to do it and that's just heart breaking.
Something I noticed is the fact that you didn't really space out the paragraphs. That made reading this hard as everything kind of got muddled together. I would recommend spacing them out.
I love the idea that someone can be reborn, it's brilliant and something I haven't seen in a story. While part of me understands why Charlie is leaving Olive, there's another part that feels sorry for her. Obviously she felt the need to make the change, but it seems like Charlie doesn't want to listen to it.
I think Charlie acted way too hostile. Olive was probably really confused and I definitely feel bad for him.

I'm definitely going to be continuing this because it's a brilliant concept and I want to know what happens. Other than the paragraphs not being spaced, I didn't notice any other mistakes. Great job!

I am so happy I found your story, finding a good original fiction can be hard! I stay hopeful that Charlies life will turn around, please please please stick with this one :)

From what I have read so far, this is a very interesting story. I hope that you continue.

Just reading what I have so far is pretty awesome and I hope that you continue this. Please update soon.

It's an interesting idea - I like it! It has a good moral to it, and I would be interested to see you continue it.