The Moonlings - Comments

The summary is straight forward without revealing too much, which is a great thing! It makes me curious though, by you saying they fight hard. What do they fight? Why do they fight? I'm sure I'll find out, but it piques the curiousity. However, as a suggestion, I would try to separate your disclaimer from the summary a bit more (change the size, put a break, something) because I thought it was part of the summary at first.

Chapter One:
I figured out the fighting. xD And honestly, I'm very appreciative of it purely due to the fact that you have two strong female leads. That so rarely happens, and I love it.

Let me tell you, the way you are describing this bar and the drinks, I really want to go and get drunk off my butt too. Your descriptions are perfect.

Oh boy. Regret later on. Hmmm, makes me wonder what will happen.

I think you set up this chapter perfectly. It was very easy to get into the feel of it, and you kept up a good pace the entire time.

As far as grammar and stuff, I only saw a could areas that should have had commas, but they aren't terrible (mostly nit-picky). Other than that, this was very well written. Great job on this!

I really like how you described their relationship with each other, you can really tell they love each other and would do anything for one another.
And I love how strong they are as individuals, you really make that known, which I love. You don't see that in alot of stories.

I just hope you explain their past and why they are so against relationships, I would love to see what happened to make them this way.

I did subscribe and recommend it <3

Summary:
I really like what you did with the summary. It gave me a lot of insight of what to expect and I really appreciated that. I'm excited to see what happens with Rosie, Dawn, and the guys.
I would like to point out that it's an obvious fact that you don't own the band, so that piece of information wasn't necessary.

Chapter One:
I love how you gave insight to Dawn and Rosie's lives as well as basic likes and dislikes. You gave a lot of information without going overboard.
I also really love the relationship between the females. It was really refreshing to see and I think you portrayed it realistically. The dialogue didn't seem forced at all.
Oooo, those surfer guys seem like assholes, but they probably shouldn't mess with her.
Yes! Kick that guy's ass! God, I appreciated that so much.
I liked how there was automatic chemistry between the girls and the newcomers, though I would've liked to have seen a little more sass from Rosie when she was speaking with Zack.
The last line was perfect and made me want to read more (which I'm going to).

All-in-all, I love your descriptions and characterization. The way you described your OCs is something I haven't seen and it was nice to not read about a damsel. Rosie can definitely take care of herself. I'm excited to see where you go with this!

Love the updates! I love Brian's middle name! I think its so cute and fits him! cant wait for the next updates! and Glad Zacky got laid, boy was he wanting it bad. Lets hope Brian gets laid next!

ELWIN. I thought he'd almost have it I think it hurt me just as much I'm starting to get blue balls myself and I don't have the parts for it. Lmaoo i loved it ☺️

The amount of time it took Rosie to give into her very much wanted session with sugar lips was unexpected but was entirely satisfying to read. I love dawn at the end omfg. Pretty sure she had an idea it would happen! She did this to herself @-@

The amount of time it took Rosie to give into her very much wanted session with sugar lips was unexpected but was entirely satisfying to read. I love dawn at the end omfg. Pretty sure she had an idea it would happen! She did this to herself @-@

that poor fish! and oh my Zacky tongue made into a Christmas ornament. some one has anger issues!

This whole story is the most bipolar thing I've ever seen its amazing. At least sugar lips gets to see Rosie and maybe have 20 babies although I can't picture that due to the following... Rip in peace mr gold fish.

My poor Brian all sexually frustrated and pissed off! loved the updated and couldn't help but fell sorry for Brian! made me want be hey babe need some fun time i'm game

lmfao i cant get over how angry rosie and zacky get at each other for absolutely no reason its perfect! and honestly if dawn keeps teasing poor brian this way im afraid his balls will literally fall off. this was a great one ^-^ now get back to office and make some more pretty please with all that is your wildest fantasies on top.

loved the updated! mu god sex in church that is to funny and I so can see Zacky doing that in real life!

Oh....I mean I just. That was intense......I loved it It's incredibly unfair how easily Rosie can just get a whole bottle of jack. But this will lead to hilarity or drama so I can't wait @-@

Lol great chapter. That church sex scene was hilarious xD

loved the update! Poor Brian, now if that was me id so would been screw it and jump him fast! giving him whiplash! :). tell my co workers I was late because I was busy with Brian very busy like a rabbit. Cant wait for the next update!

Well whoa who turned on the furnace because This place is on fire. That scene was hot! ;-; I think Brian is going to suffer from blue balls for years with this one. I am in dire need of more....like Brian in need of dawn jdjfkgovklykhm

Liked it hon! loved how you described Zacky! and loved how Brian was about to get into a huge bar fight that was hot and cool! by the way love your layout were did you get it?

If I said I wasn't laughing through the entirety of this chapter I'd be lying. Especially at Rosie riding Zacky down to hell. Also I'd have to agree with jimmy the titanic is the greatest movie of all time.

Hi hello there....patiently waiting for chapter two. May I please have some more *scratch* seriously dude this is so good I'm glad you've taken up redoing and continuing this story you've lured me back to mibba!