Beggin' DeVito's Story - Comments

thanks so much :)

ive now put in small dashes and spaced the paragraphs out more hope this helps x

I'm really enjoying this story! I'm going to agree with the last reviewer. It will be great if you put something indicating the time change. I felt a little lost and had to reread. Again, I'm really enjoying your writing!

i am loving this story so far! my only suggestion would be if you could put a dash or extra space or something when the time changes. i would get so in the flow of reading that i wouldn't even realize right away that it went back or forward in time.