Braves - Comments

I will read the new updates today :) @ Rine Lona

I did three. Last chapter you should have read was Crash Course. I posted it 6 days ago. Thanks for keeping up!!

how many chapters did you post? :) I'm not complaining, just trying to figure out where I left off again.

Lol I changed a lot in this chapter, I'm not surprised a few words escaped my attention! I'm just glad it's was just the one as for Gwens mom, that gets explained in the next chap, not to worry!! That's why Gwen is so confused when she is getting in. But hey! You get to meet the mom now! I want to change her, so I can't wait to see how she turns out

I'll have to look at the transition you're talking about. Yes I switch perspectives, I've done that before with Logan as well, maybe the timing was weird, I will have to look into it.

Thank you for reading!!! I will definitely start commenting as I read!!

You switch points of view. I know you're writing third person, but it looks like you're in Eric's thoughts until we get to the paragraph, 'She glared up at him.' and then we're suddenly in Gwen's head. That's kind of awkward.

'Gwen went paled.' should be Gwen paled.

The ending of this chapter is good, but strange. Gwen never actually got in touch with her mother right? So how would her mother know to pick her up at the end of the drive if she was originally supposed to take the bus?

Other than those few awkward placed I pointed out, this was a good character building chapter for Eric, and in gives more insight into Gwen. I like how we see more of both of them. The transition from Gwen's thoughts to Eric's thoughts toward the ending is much better than the first. It shows she's waiting, and then you lead into his perception and reaction rather than just jumping from her to him. (Does that make sense?)

Eric can be pretty arrogant lol

Jason is adorable. He makes me giggle. And I hate that Eric stood her up, but I love where it will lead. :)

I actually imagine Sharon being around Logan's age. Maybe a little younger. Closer to 20-22 years. But them being friends could be something to look into, I can see it happening. Eric is definitely the youngest of his group, Mike is 19 for sure. She treats Eric like a little brother.

You know a good idea since I'm assuming Gwen and Sharon are the same age (I assume because Sharon teases Eric who is the same age as Gwen) maybe you could make them accidental friends. That's just an eventual thing to work towards though since it doesn't seem like you want the BRAVES to have anything to do with Gwen in an interaction kind of way.

I'm really not sure how Logan will turn out. He definitely wasn't originally supposed be such a jerk, but he kind of just went that way! I definitely want to do more with Sharon and fill out her character more, I think she gets left out in the original as I rushed through it, I really want to take time on her like I'm doing with Gwen's social circle now.

So Logan seems kind of intimidating and spoiled. Like He always gets what he wants. I like Sharon's teasing. But I'm still asking more and more questions about this little group of people called BRAVES, like what are they? I'm excited to find out more.

So Logan seems kind of intimidating and spoiled. Like He always gets what he wants. I like Sharon's teasing. But I'm still asking more and more questions about this little group of people called BRAVES, like what are they? I'm excited to find out more.

I'm glad i was able to fix 2 before you read it, I went through them and had the worst feeling ever when I realized I had accidentally pasted the original before my edit instead of my current version. I felt so bad that someone had actually had to read that, they must have been confused!! Thank you for reading my story! I really love your story Underestimate Me, really gripping!

I like how Gwen seems to be split into two people. I feel like the situation you portrayed for her gives her that mentality. I hate that she jumps straight to suicide, but you do clearly make her seem like she just cannot do this anymore, she's broken enough. Now... Let's see what the braves to with her in the next chapter.

I see you got chapter three up! Yay! I'm looking at the chapters now.

Ok, yea, I can see how it makes it look scrunched and hard to read, I'll start doing that. You can absolutely edit if you want!! I know I am NOT good at proper grammar at all.

Just a bit of advice before I begin, You should put an extra space between paragraphs since we don't indent on Mibba. Just hit enter twice instead of once, and you'll be much happier with your spacing. Also the weird P: at the beginning of the prologue isn't needed; it's just kind of awkward.

I hope you don't mind if I sort of edit your grammar as I go?