Animagus form GIFs instead of human form, interesting. The song you've chosen, your summary, and the layout all are so swell together. (A minor layout-snob thing I'd suggest is making the chapter text transparent since you use roman numerals.)
Chapter 1: Right off the bat I am pleased. López as a name adds such flare to the names Jo used, and the fact that you're setting this in a more diverse area makes me so happy. Your words flow with a certain something that reminds me of works considered classics; perhaps your wide vocabulary. I think the idea of arranged marriage in the Marauder's Era is quite interesting. Though it's a big cliche in writing, it seems ever fitting for pureblood families; and you're fitting it in nicely.
Chapter 2: Most third person stories follow the main character, so I'm grateful that you also give details of what Regulus is up to when they're apart. The way you write the Black family is incredible. I think it's so strange that Sirius gets on so well with Elías and Regulus seems less than civil. How pureblood of him~ One note I have it to recommend a "words to know" for words that are in a language different than listed.
Chapter 3: Placement into Ravenclaw took me by surprise, as Slytherin (for a pureblood) and Gryffindor (against the family's wish) seemed like prime choices. Hogwarts and Ravenclaw students, the way they're described is so appealing. It's refreshing to see the "boring" house get some attention. Lyssandra is also quite agreeable. Aw, Snape-y I love this last bit very much because it shows Severus in a way I've never really imagined nor read, and yet matches with what is known to be canon.
Chapter 4: I love each character you introduce. Compared to other fanfics, it seems an overwhelming amount - but it's so realistic of Hogwarts. I've forgotten what I was missing until now The story moves along well, giving tons of details without droning on. And I rather like the inner thoughts of Elías regarding Lyssandra. What a predicament. // was wounded so = was wound so
Chapter 5: Writing a slash seems like such hard work with there being a focus on both blood tradition and a coming war. Where I live people are so accepting, that I've never had to think about times/places when people aren't - even fictionally. Another thing that makes this story so refreshing. The ending to this chapter seems more powerful yet. To comment on your A/N - I think this is absolutely true, and something worth sharing on like, tumblr or something. More people should see that.
Chapter 6: // YES! Finally some real drama. Dark Mark rejection, this is just perfect for your story. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, especially for the argument with Sirius. I need more! Hopefully your exams went well and you've got something in mind, because I'd hate to see this end so prematurely. I'm confused about one thing though- the line "I'M NOT LETTING MIGUEL BE A DEATH EATER!" - who is Miguel? I'm assuming this was a scene that was partially written before deciding on what characters to use or something. // and hewas finally = and he was finally // and pthers = and others // fellow DeathEater = fellow Death Eater
I've got just a few more entries to judge, but the winners will be announced quite shortly so keep an eye on your messages/comments! xo
Chapter 1: Right off the bat I am pleased. López as a name adds such flare to the names Jo used, and the fact that you're setting this in a more diverse area makes me so happy. Your words flow with a certain something that reminds me of works considered classics; perhaps your wide vocabulary. I think the idea of arranged marriage in the Marauder's Era is quite interesting. Though it's a big cliche in writing, it seems ever fitting for pureblood families; and you're fitting it in nicely.
Chapter 2: Most third person stories follow the main character, so I'm grateful that you also give details of what Regulus is up to when they're apart. The way you write the Black family is incredible. I think it's so strange that Sirius gets on so well with Elías and Regulus seems less than civil. How pureblood of him~ One note I have it to recommend a "words to know" for words that are in a language different than listed.
Chapter 3: Placement into Ravenclaw took me by surprise, as Slytherin (for a pureblood) and Gryffindor (against the family's wish) seemed like prime choices. Hogwarts and Ravenclaw students, the way they're described is so appealing. It's refreshing to see the "boring" house get some attention. Lyssandra is also quite agreeable. Aw, Snape-y
Chapter 4: I love each character you introduce. Compared to other fanfics, it seems an overwhelming amount - but it's so realistic of Hogwarts. I've forgotten what I was missing until now
Chapter 5: Writing a slash seems like such hard work with there being a focus on both blood tradition and a coming war. Where I live people are so accepting, that I've never had to think about times/places when people aren't - even fictionally. Another thing that makes this story so refreshing. The ending to this chapter seems more powerful yet. To comment on your A/N - I think this is absolutely true, and something worth sharing on like, tumblr or something. More people should see that.
Chapter 6: // YES! Finally some real drama. Dark Mark rejection, this is just perfect for your story. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, especially for the argument with Sirius. I need more! Hopefully your exams went well and you've got something in mind, because I'd hate to see this end so prematurely. I'm confused about one thing though- the line "I'M NOT LETTING MIGUEL BE A DEATH EATER!" - who is Miguel? I'm assuming this was a scene that was partially written before deciding on what characters to use or something. // and hewas finally = and he was finally // and pthers = and others // fellow DeathEater = fellow Death Eater
I've got just a few more entries to judge, but the winners will be announced quite shortly so keep an eye on your messages/comments! xo