This has potential! It's creative and different and the writing is simplistic yet effective which is difficult to pull off. Maybe focus on incorporating more description and emotion into your writing, which you have done in places. Make sure you don't fall into the trap of: "and then she did this, and then she did that." Keep of the good work and write some more chapters! Also maybe work on a layout to draw people in.
September 4th, 2015 at 11:05pm