Did not see the ectopic pregnancy coming! Kinda though she would get preggers but I've never read a story with it ending like that, I can't wait to see what happens next! I bet it's not smooth sailing
Also, to @poeticmess she isn't raped, attacked but not raped
@ PoeticMess. Hey. Thanks for the feedback. I totally respect your opinion and think your thoughts are valid. Where I was coming from in writing it is how hard it must be to just be this seemingly average person and find yourself the center of someone's attention... especially when that someone is the face of an NHL franchise. Maybe not for you, but for me at least, I feel like I would be second guessing myself all the time. Even if just in the sense that it's all too surreal to believe that an nhl captain could/would actually fall for someone "normal".
Again thanks for the feedback. It is still pretty early in the story, and she does change quite a bit throughout, so I hope you keep reading :)
Hey. I recently found this and I haven't finished it all, but I just wanted to drop a comment before I continue! I really like the story and I was really impressed with your writing, but as we're getting farther into the story and she's starting to open up to Jamie a little, I'm noticing that it's really just almost going in circles.
She opens up and then she closes back up continuously and it's starting to throw me off the story. Honestly her insecurities are getting slightly annoying. Especially the scene with his sister where she thinks they're together and he's suddenly moved on. Like what? That's just a little cliche. I really think that she needs more depth to her. Little things can't just keep happening, there needs to be some bigger thing propelling her.
And I really thought that the rape scene was completely unnecessary. I think that would've been done better had she just been attacked, but not raped. There's really no build up for it or after and I think the story would be a lot stronger without it!