Can't Love, Can't Hurt - Comments

I love it! Don't stop writing!!

I would be careful with how much information you include in the summary. It felt like it took me a really long time just to get to the chapter because of all the lyrics and what not you had there. Since I'm assuming all of the lyrics are from songs you linked, I feel like you could just stick with the links and it'd give the same affect.

I also felt a little bit overwhelmed with everything that happened in the first chapter, just because it all felt like so much was going on. And being someone who is familiar with SPN and Sam's story, it felt quite similar to that. I would suggest maybe going back through and either making some edits to take out some details that maybe don't need to be there, or splitting that first chapter up into a couple chapters to help break it up a bit.

The second chapter, though, I felt like had a really good mix of detail and dialogue for the length! It really captured my attention and left me wondering what was going to happen though.

Overall, good job

Long Summary

It took me awhile to get through all the stuff in the long summary and get to the actual chapters. I think, right now, the long summary is just really busy with a lot of unnecessary images and all the lyrics listed. I would have really liked to see an actual summary of the story instead, so at least I would have an idea of what the story was about going into it.

Chapter 1

The first chapter had a lot of info in. So much so, that there were a few times where I almost stopped reading because it seemed to drone on. I think when you're doing an info dump like this - and giving the reader a lot of background story in one go - you might need to skimp a little on the details and just stick to the important stuff (maybe going back to flesh out the finer details in later chapters). Especially as an SPN fan - and already knowing Sam Winchester's story (which this felt a lot like) - it just seemed a bit like information overload.

Chapter 2

I think the second chapter of your story would have made a great first chapter instead. This chapter really drew me in. I thought the balance between description and dialogue here was really nicely done.

Arya's POV in this chapter was interesting to read. I think there was a lot of hints about her character in here - for example, the fact that she recognized the Winchester's car as a '67 Chevy Impala makes me feel like she must have some kind of interest/history with cars (because how would she know the exact make and model of the car so quickly?) And the fact that she lets these two strange men in her house upon meeting them shows me that she's very trusting. I also thought it was interesting how she didn't find anything unusual/worrying about the strange stuff happening at her new house. I would think she might be a little paranoid about anything being even slightly off in her home, since she lost so many people in strange/unexplained house-fires.

By the end of chapter 2, I was interested in finding out what's going on between Arya in Dean. My first guess was that she's secretly some kind of succubus which is why she's sapping Dean's strength, but that wouldn't explain why she's feeling tired too.

Overall

I think one of the good things about adding OCs to a fanfiction is that it adds something new, so I don't know if having a character whose past imitates another SPN character's so closely is a great idea. It kind of feels like I'm just re-reading what I've already seen in the show, which can get kind of boring. I think Arya can be a really interesting character if her story can be more of her own and less like what we've already seen in the show.

Chapter 2 is definitely the chapter that made me want to read more. Up until then, I wasn't really interested in this story - because it seemed a lot like what I've already seen in the show - but learning this new thing about Arya made it stand out. I think starting your story out with this and then backtracking into Arya's past might help to draw more readers in.

This sounds like it'd be an interesting read! I like the part with her sister because I can fully imagine that sort of thing happening in Supernatural, someone knowing paranormal things exist and getting locked up for it. I'm curious as to the yellow-eyed demon's plans for Arya, and why he took out her family and Brian. I sense that Arya's really strong because she's had to cope with all the death, so that's always good! I also am curious about how his presence will impact the plot to this story, along with the story's plot itself. All in all, wonderful job!

Love it!

Oh my sweet Castiel, please update! You are an amazing writer, this is fab!! <3

good update! I can't wait till they get together :)

Please update soon this is the first story about supernatural that has interested me... And I'm even happuer that you have a lot planed for it plus the two sequels i love when the stories i read are long

Really good! Thanks for the update! Can't wait for the next one :-)

Love it! I've been waiting for a good Dean story!

Love it!