Heaven and Hell - Comments

@ red harlot.
Ah awesome sauce! I am editing as we speak! And I put my second story up as well. <3 thanks

@ Savit6661
I will! I'm interested to see the story grow, dearie. I subscribed and everything.

@ red harlot.
I appreciate your feedback, I tend to have my stories in this fashion, I have read tons of fanfic just dialog ones as you said and I tend to go a different route.. I am switching narratives and I can see how you are confused, maybe I will stick to one, I have another story in the works on my wattpad that is one pov If I upload it here maybe it will make more sense. Best wishes and hope you will continue reading.

Well first, m'dear, I would love to read this story, but I have difficulty reading large blocks of text. I don't mean to sound rude and I'm trying to say you need to change your art, but it is just a suggestion. Interesting narrative -- though it is confusing. Not heavily confusing, just slightly. Ah! And I see in the third chapter you've begun breaking up text, which is much appreciated.

But back to the narrative -- it's kind of refreshing to have a story where the protagonist so badly wants their s.o. I'm still not sure who the protag is yet, but I'm trying lol. I'll take this over all the fics where the protag is an oc desperately, madly in love with one of the boys, you know? It's cute when it all works out but it's just hard to read a narrative like that. But the interesting part seems to read to me like feverish desperation. The most difficult thing I think is how I think we're switching povs like it's nothing. Which isn't a bad thing! I do it all the time in my stories.

And I'm sorry it seems like all I have to say is negative, but the truth is, this story has potential! Just needs a little editing.