February 25th, 2016 at 08:43pm
Hi! It's Eve (previously americancandy.) and I'm finally getting around to judging my Christmas contest that I held. Life kinda got in the way and I lost the motivation for a while, so my apologies, but I'm here now!
As promised, I'll be leaving a comment on every entry regardless of the place it ranks.
First off, I was automatically pleased you chose an Ariana Grande song, because I love Ariana.
In the first chapter, I already like Gavin. I can already picture what he's like; he's like a familiar character. I was reading dawn of light's comment below and saw she described him as being 'rom-com' and I honestly couldn't agree more -- that's just what this feels like, the start of a wonderfully cheesy rom-com Christmas movie. Which I love. A lot.
The smut was really well-done and realistic, too! That's what I like to see.
omg, during their argument in the third chapter, Gavin is being such an undermining asshole. I'd be mad at him too.
Aw, when he finally says he loves her, it is a little heartbreaking. That was so sad! An inevitable ending, but definitely a sad one. I could definitely see this being some kinda rom-com movie material script if you wanted to create a sequel for them.
I didn't really notice any mistakes! The only thing was that you spelled Santa Claus as Santa Clause in the final chapter (there's no E at the end) and I do have an issue with scoring out words in stories. Like describing the bed as "<s>his</s> ours," for example. I've always found it a little clumsy and unprofessional; I would personally write something along the lines of, "We fell into his bed; well, <i>our</i> bed." It's simple but conveys the same weight of change. That's really just me though -- some people might prefer the score-outs!
Overall, I think you did a really good job with Gavin and Cece! It left me wanting a bit more and wondering what the future would hold for them -- they make good money and have a nice place together, but perhaps Gavin's job will be too much for them? It's definitely a thinker! Well done.
Thank you!